Gov. Schwarzenegger invites alien refugees to find their hearts in San
Francisco
By MICHAEL ROVIN
SAN FRANCISCO -- Last week the state legislature set aside a small section
in the northern part of
San Francisco for the exclusive use of a very special group.
"Aliens will be moving into 'Little Mercury' sometime next year," said a
spokesperson for Governor
Arnold Schwarzenegger. "It's gotten so hot on the first planet that the
state is allowing a small
colony of Mercurians to relocate to San Francisco.
"I hope my fellow Earthlings will welcome them, and trust that the
governor knows what he's doing.
He has had experience dealing with movie aliens. Hopefully, the Mercurians
will be less predatory."
"Little Mercury" will cover a square mile of the city between Chinatown
and Nob Hill and house
roughly 2,000 refugees. Despite the governor's concerns, most people seem
thrilled with the idea of
having the short, red-skinned aliens among them.
"I've seen the blueprints and, if nothing else, the structures will be
very unusual," said
architect David Swanson. "The buildings will be made of solidified liquid
mercury and powered by
solar panels. It's very funky-looking."
Little Mercury will also have some amazing stores. For example, at the
Fissure, patrons will be
able to buy jet-propelled boots and clothes made from heat-reflecting
Mercurian metal.
"A cool day on Mercury is about 425 degrees Celsius," said Mercurian
spokesalien Septor rotpeS. "As
you can imagine, we've developed some very cool and fa****onable clothing.
An average garment will
cost just 200 coins made from that exquisite metal you call 'silver.' "
Mercurian cuisine will be equally unusual.
"I can't wait to go to Merc- Donalds and order Crungis, a blue worm that
lives in the soil of
Mercury," said Diane Sails. "The Mercurians cook their food with sunlight,
which they say energizes
the food and makes it healthier. They've brought special magnifiers that
will enhance Earth's
sunlight to match the stronger levels on Mercury."
Out of gratitude, the Mercurians have offered their highly advanced solar
technology to the White
House.
"Our panels can extract a large amount of energy from the sun, even at
this distance," said rotpeS.
"Automobiles equipped with the panels would permanently end Earth's
reliance on oil."
A spokesperson for President Bush said he would have to "think about"
whether the solar panels are
"a good idea."
Published on: 11/08/2005
http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/politics/61713
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