*Gather in the Mushrooms*
by Benny Hill (1924 - 1992)
Lucy went down on the farm, tried to milk a cow
Though she ried she couldn't get the hang of it somehow
The farmer looked at Lucy and murmured with a frown
"Well oh you just hang on tightly, gal, and she'll jump up on down
Oh, gather in the mushrooms, put'em in a pot
Pop'em in the oven an serve'em piping ho-ot
To make herself more beautiful she thought she'd bathe in milk
She said, "I'll have a bathfull," to her milkman Kackie Wilke
He said, "do you want it pasturized before I pour it in?"
She said, "No, I'll be happy if it comes up to my chin.'
Oh, gather in the mushrooms, put'em in a pot
Pop'em in the oven an serve'em piping ho-ot
The farmer called Lucy one dark and stormy night
She said, "You are too old for me because your hair is white."
He looked into her eyes and then he knew he'd have to tell her
"There's snow upon the roof but there's a fire in the cellar"
Oh, gather in the mushrooms, put'em in a pot
Pop'em in the oven an serve'em piping ho-ot
She took him in the kitchen, she was his turle dove
And then she started cooking dumplings on the stove
She wore a low cut dress, oh it was as green as clover
He jumped with glee'cause he could see her dumplings boiling over
Oh, gather in the mushrooms, put'em in a pot
Pop'em in the oven an serve'em piping ho-ot
She said, "you give me half a crown I will read uour palm,"
And then she saw his love line went half way up his arm
So now she's changed her prices, although she's just as willing
It's big fat men at two pounds ten and little boys a ****lling
Oh, gather in the mushrooms, put'em in a pot
Pop'em in the oven an serve'em piping hot
We're gonna gather in the mushrooms, put'em in a pot
Pop'em in the oven and serve them pi-ping ho-o-t
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