oldmadbadger wrote:
> "Nexie" <greenknight@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote in message
> news:qoCgh.10883$z01.6916@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>> oldmadbadger wrote:
>>> One slightly (ab)used kitten : two careless owners.
>>>
>>> Description : black and white hat on head, dirty face, smells of ****.
>>>
>>> Answers to the name of : Schmoo, ****face, Hey You Get Down Off There
!
>>> and What The **** Do You Think
>>> You're Doing Now You Stupid Retarded Feline !
>> If it doesn't respond to Stinky, Smellycat, Stupid or Princess
*****kins
>> of Pomerania, I ain't interested.
>>
>>> Mileage : 6 months on the clock.
>>>
>>> Condition :Good, no major defects, prone to sucking on hairy sweaters
>>> until thoroughly soaked.
>> Sounds my kind of cat. I'm not that hairy, but I do sweat a lot.
>>
>>> Eats : Catfood, Crackers, Curry, Condiments, Crusty French Bread,
>>> Chillies, and anything else it can cram into its furry little face
>>> before vomiting all over the hall carpet.
>> Hmm...it's not so much vomiting as laying down a line of half-digested
>> meat. A bit like a sausage machine that hasn't been provided with
skins.
>> Ideal consistency for getting right between the toes of a half-asleep
>> human in the dark.
>
> i reeeeeeeely don't know why i'm getting dragged into this ... but the
> little ****er regurgitates
> puddles of bile like frog spawn all over the kitchen floor, and then
only
> when i have a hangover,
> (thanks to its built-in human hangover detector) and because of the
> colourless nature of this feline gastro-
> intestinal ejected effluvia, one is liable to stand in it before one
even
> realises it is there, and a certain
> viscous quality ensures a swift glissading motion of the body leading to
> serious toe trappage beneath the
> the cooker, phalange breakage, ineffectual yet sincerely intended foul
> language, a strange hopping motion
> by the unfortunate victim and a vain attempt to connect one's uninjured
foot
> with the rear end of the
> offending kitten-shaped-spawn-of-hell, usually resulting in a swift
> uncontrolled vertical descent onto one's
> arse regions ...
Sounds like you need the Cat Whisperer. A little bit of psycholomoggie
is required. My cat vomited everywhere when I first got her - this was
due to the fact she previously shared her food with another cat, so
tended to wolf it down and then puke it up at her leisure. She retained
this habit when I got her, even though there was no competition for her
food.
I got around the problem by sitting with her while she ate and
distracting her occasionally, talking to her, stroking her, etc. This
not only broke up her eating habit, but calmed her into a more relaxed
eating pace. Et voila! No more vomit.
Of course, when Mr. Bear arrives, I'm up puke creek again....
Anyway, to return to your problem, you need to work out what is causing
the problem. Is your cat chewing grass (licking dew off grass, and the
chewing which follows, is sometimes a sign that the cat's water isn't
fresh enough in my experience)? Have you tried different food - perhaps
it's allergic to something. I had a cat which was allergic to fish and
puked every time it had any, so no more fish. Take note of what you've
given your cat to eat when it throws up, there may be a pattern. Try dry
food. Is there something you're doing when you feed it that is causing
it stress, e.g. do you put food down just before you leave the house?
I know it may seem a lot of bother to psychoanalyse your cat, but broken
toes covered in bile can't be pleasant.
>>> Likes : Crying piteously for hours on end, Tripping people on stairs,
>>> Loose bowel movements, Kangaroo boxing with other cats, Waking humans
at
>>> 6 a.m.
>>>
>>> Dislikes : Being a cat, Litter trays, Affection, Going outdoors,
Moving
>>> any great distance, Not eating for more than ten minutes at a time.
>>>
>>> High maintenance, expensive, unforgiving, crude attention seeking
device
>>> seeks considerate lunatic to furnish life of luxury, only cat crazy
>>> idiots
>>> need apply to :
>> Look, is this an advert for a cat or the owner?
>
> now you come to mention it, i see what you mean ...
I know. Disturbing isn't it? We are our pets.
I particularly like the idea of tripping people on stairs and kangaroo
boxing with cats. C'mere puss...<uppercut!!>
ouch.
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