IJM2006 wrote:
>
> EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
>
> Day number 180
> 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
> 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> 1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
> 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
>
> Day number 181
> 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
> 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> 1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
> 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
>
> Day number 182
> 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
> 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> 1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
> 1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
> 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
>
>
>
> EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
>
> DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
> objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry
> cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and
> the
> mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
> Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
>
> DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their
> feet
> while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of
> the
> stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I
> once
> again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this
> on
> their bed.
>
> DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
> attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to
> strike
> fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a
> good
> little cat I was... Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
>
> DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good
> reason
> I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a
> burning foamy chemical called "shampoo". What sick minds could invent
> such
> a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between
> my
> teeth.
>
> DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was
> placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the
> noise
> and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More
> im****tantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of
> "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
>
> DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe
> snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
> return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got
> to
> be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he
> re****ts
> my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his
> safety
> is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
>
V. funny. I'm sure you're a fan of Stewie in Family Guy.
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