oldmadbadger wrote:
> "Nexie" wrote and badger heartily agreed in a back-slapping
demonstration
> of "hail-fellow-well-met" false bonhomie ...
Nexie smiles alluringly over his shoulder at Badger's back slapping,
secretly glad that his palms are seeking a higher target at last, whilst
simultaneously admiring Cips pert bosom as she looks on voyeuristically,
vigorously knitting an angora cosy for a theraputic massager.
>>No.1: Trolls thrive on attention, good or bad (although they mostly
>>crave positive feedback - be warned, if you do this you may
>>inadvertantly adopt a pet troll, and not the cute 1970's variety). If
>>you really can't be bothered with conversing with life-forms lower than
>>amoebas, just ignore them.
>
>
> i know, i forgot rule no.1
Throw a six to begin?
... forgive me father for i have sinned, i will
> not stray from the path of righteousness again, but the road to hell is
> paved with good intentions
I have it on good authority that the M6 to Stoke is paved with tarmac,
and parts of the victims of the West Country Mafia.
and hell hath no fury like a woman scorned
Ah! That all makes sense now. I thought it was "a woman sconed". No
wonder the missus didn't understand me hiding all the currants.
I'm still not sure why scorned women become hirsute though...are they
lycanthropes? It would explain the whole monthly thing and the obsession
with hair removal, but I can't say I've ever noticed excessive fur.
... so
> if you meet an old woman (or one pretending to such age and gender) on
the
> road then scorn is the only appropriate response,
More appropriate than burning or making a stool out of her? I bow to
your greater scientific knowledge, Sir Bors the Badger, and wink slyly
at your geography.
let us pray before the
> lesson endeth and remember to readjust your clothing before leaving the
> confessional ...
I never realised praying could make your beard so sticky...
>>No.2 All trolls are unbelievably pathetic. You cannot go wrong by
>>insulting them. They really do (or would like to do, if they weren't so
>>repressed) the most extreme, bizarre, sickening things you can imagine,
>>and worse.
>
>
> please post pics of these activities, Cips and myself are considered the
> most knowledgeable connoisseurs of the extreme, bizarre and sickening in
the
> south lakeland region
Ah, there you have the advantage over me, I am but a common town
pervert, whereas you have the natural proclivity towards deviance
nurtured by living in the wilds of the North, surrounded by animals and
naive virgin policemen.
>>No.3 You can always tell when you've scored a hit when they reply to you
>
>
> nitpicking pedant that i am, i thought no.3 should have ended here ...
> you've scored a hit when they reply to you ...
Ah, you're confusing troll-hunting with being a troll. Trolls cannot
resist the urge to reply, regardless. It's no indication of success to
be replied to, just that you exist. Quantum physics and existentialism
would be revolutionised if it was Schroedinger's Troll.
> damn, you just scored again ...
>
>
>>and delete the text that hurt them; they're too dim and up their own
>>backside to not reply, but it hurts them to repeat what they know is
true.
>>
>>No.4 Trolls usually are only capable of *trying* to hurt you through
their
>>own miserable experiences, usually some neurosis developed in childhood
>>that they really should have grown out of. What they accuse you of is
>>usually some demon they are trying to exorcise from their own psyche.
>
> oh d'accord, d'accord, mon ami
Argh! He speaks dead languages! He's possessed! In the name of Izzard, I
compel thee! In the name of Izzard I compel thee! Remove thyself from
the body of this woman! Get thee to a nunnery, etc.
>>No.5 Trolls are incapable of hurting you.
>
>
> unlesss they stalk you with a twelve bore and gps satnav linked to the
chip
> the fbi put in your head ...
Not to mention the chicken wing the KFC put in my intestine.
> sad bastard that i am, i was trawling the "invasion" website (no,
honestly i
> was looking for the actors name who plays the sherrif,
Technically, he was a deputy, and his name was Rufus P. Dawg.
it was research, i
> don't watch it, i have a life, i can read too, i don't need to watch
this
> kind of cheap badly acted crappily written cross between CE3K and OC ...
> when's the next episdoe on ?) ... anyway there was a link to site which
i
> accidentally clicked on (the way you do ... curiosity killed the badger)
and
> it was full, and i mean FULL of hundreds of stories from people who
believed
> that the US government had planted things in their head, water,
twinkies,
> glove compartment, microwave whatever as part of some huge experiment
into
> mind control ... the X Files has a LOT to answer for ...
I wouldn't be at all surprised if it was all true, or at least
inspirational source material for real government research.
and these people
> seemed to be genuine( -ly delusional)... and the site linked to hundreds
of
> other sites ... ad nauseam, a terrifying catalogue of mental illness
which
> quite shocked and awed me ... and then i spotted a link on one page to
"our
> English friend" david icke ... so i gave up then :)
Lol. Is it a coincidence that Pope John Paul II (the voice of God on
Earth) was a goalkeeper in a former career too? Jesus was stated to be a
saviour and keeper of men (but not in a homo***ual way, I'm sure). If
the Islamic faith allowed images of people to be shown in mosques, I bet
Mohammed would be depicted wearing gloves.
>>Without fail, it will be a
>>case of "pot calling kettle black". They do it to make themselves feel
>>better (see 4 above).
>>
>>No.6 Trolls are stupid - if they were smarter, they'd sort their lives
>>out and behave like human beings. You will always have the high ground
>>in an argument with a troll, and for fun you can play "troll football"
>>by leading them down whatever route you like with appropriately placed
>>feed-lines.
>>
>>No.7 Most English-speaking trolls are American; this is not a racial
>>thing, just a product of a larger population mass, such as
serial-killers,
>>gun-related murders, etc. Pity them.
>>(this rule is under review as certain anomalies are not accounted for)
>
>
> also a greater access to the internet i think ... like through their tv
set
> ...
>
>
>>No.8 A troll is their own worst enemy, the more they talk, the more they
>>reveal what sort of person they are.
>>"It is better to keep one's mouth shut and be thought a fool than to
open
>>it and resolve all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln (et al, see
>>http://www.quotegarden.com/speaking.html
for similar quotes)
>
>
> aside - for years i thought that was one of oscar's, i stand corrected,
and
> i do like "correction" :)
It's attributed to Lincoln, although to be fair, many people have said
similar things - the earliest I've found was reputedly said by
Pythagoras over 2,000 years earlier. Oscar probably very wisely saw the
irony of regurgitating a similar witty phrase, and kept silent.
>>No.9 Trolls get very confused if you agree with them. They are looking
for
>>a reaction (but see 1 and 6 above, depending on what outcome you wish to
>>achieve).
>
>
> oh i agree with you there ... oh ****, he's scored again ...
And that's why you'll never get a phone call from God.
>>No.10 Yeah, whatever, Loser.
>>
>>This is by no means an exhaustive list, there are other rules governing
>>such things as why trolls are trolls, their obsessions and how to use
them
>>against themselves, but that is another story.
>>
>>Nex,
>>afei pet troll since 1995, and loving it.
>
>
> can we form a Troll Hunting Society now ?
The Society for Hunting Ignorant Trolls is now in session. The first
motion I propose is the appointment of a Trollfinder General with the
honorary title of "Sniffer", who must be willing to probe deeply and
remorselessly into all manner of hiding places, crevices and Priest's
holes, rooting out with an accusing finger and a wicked tongue.
It is a missionary position, and pays the princely sum of 3 groats per
annum, with a bonus of implements of torture in the annus primae,
insignia of a pearl medallion or necklace and prime cuts from the spit
roast at the annual society banquet (along with the usual droit de
seigneur over the underlings).
Nominations will be received in secret and the position determined by
the black ball procedure (or automatically decided by a 147 break).
> badger XXX
>
>
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