No.1: Trolls thrive on attention, good or bad (although they mostly
crave positive feedback - be warned, if you do this you may
inadvertantly adopt a pet troll, and not the cute 1970's variety). If
you really can't be bothered with conversing with life-forms lower than
amoebas, just ignore them.
No.2 All trolls are unbelievably pathetic. You cannot go wrong by
insulting them. They really do (or would like to do, if they weren't so
repressed) the most extreme, bizarre, sickening things you can imagine,
and worse.
No.3 You can always tell when you've scored a hit when they reply to you
and delete the text that hurt them; they're too dim and up their own
backside to not reply, but it hurts them to repeat what they know is true.
No.4 Trolls usually are only capable of *trying* to hurt you through
their own miserable experiences, usually some neurosis developed in
childhood that they really should have grown out of. What they accuse
you of is usually some demon they are trying to exorcise from their own
psyche.
No.5 Trolls are incapable of hurting you. Without fail, it will be a
case of "pot calling kettle black". They do it to make themselves feel
better (see 4 above).
No.6 Trolls are stupid - if they were smarter, they'd sort their lives
out and behave like human beings. You will always have the high ground
in an argument with a troll, and for fun you can play "troll football"
by leading them down whatever route you like with appropriately placed
feed-lines.
No.7 Most English-speaking trolls are American; this is not a racial
thing, just a product of a larger population mass, such as
serial-killers, gun-related murders, etc. Pity them.
(this rule is under review as certain anomalies are not accounted for)
No.8 A troll is their own worst enemy, the more they talk, the more they
reveal what sort of person they are.
"It is better to keep one's mouth shut and be thought a fool than to
open it and resolve all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln (et al, see
http://www.quotegarden.com/speaking.html
for similar quotes)
No.9 Trolls get very confused if you agree with them. They are looking
for a reaction (but see 1 and 6 above, depending on what outcome you
wish to achieve).
No.10 Yeah, whatever, Loser.
This is by no means an exhaustive list, there are other rules governing
such things as why trolls are trolls, their obsessions and how to use
them against themselves, but that is another story.
Nex,
afei pet troll since 1995, and loving it.
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