<
======================
< HOT FLASH
< =====================
<
< Rueters News Agency
WA****NGTON, D.C. -- Re****ts
of another piranha attack in the
Secretary's indoor swimming pool
at the Smithsonian earlier today
have been dismissed as a prank
call.
Please ignore this Hot Flash.
Continue to have a very happy
Memorial Day weekend and be
careful of all the drunks on the road.
<
========================
<
NOW WHERE WERE WE? Ah, yes...
< By Oliver Shagnasty
< The Wa****ngton Pist
WA****NGTON, DC. -- The man
arrested for placing piranha in the
Smithsonian Institution's indoor pool,
causing a former Secretary to lose
part of his weener, told Larry King
last night that it was an innocent
mistake.
Ed Conrad, speaking by phone
from his prison cell after his strait
jacket was removed, said he indeed
had bought the piranha in Sam's
Tropical Fish store but his intention
was to purchase a half-dozen trout.
The tragic mistake wound up
costing Lawrence M. Small the head
of his Love Stick when one of the hungry
piranha took a delicious nip just moments
after a paparazzi had taken his picture.
<
< http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/SaveTheWhale.jpg
<
Some 122 Smithsonian staff
witnessed the vicious attack and
some even puked when Small was
pulled out of the radish-red water.
"Mistakesdo happen, Larry," Conrad
told King. "I think it was manly of David
Iain Greig, moderator of the talk.origins
newsgroup, to offer to be a ***** donor
so Mr. Small could regain his manhood.
"It's just too bad that Greig's weener
was rejected because it was the wrong
color."
The pea-brained clerk who was fired
for selling Conrad piranha instead of trout
has just been appointed by President
Bush to head the U.S. Department
of Fish and Wildlife.
<
< MORE MORE MORE
<
========================
< EARLIER BULLETIN
=========================
By Oliver Shagnasty
The Wa****ngton Pist
WA****NGTON, DC -- The man
accused of placing piranha in the
Smithsonian Institution's indoor
swimming pool told a district judge
today that he has Alzheimers and
doesn't remember "a god damn thing."
"I don't remember nothin'," Ed
Conrad told Judge Preston Duquesne
74 times when questioned by the
prosecutor during his preliminary
hearing.
Lawrence B. Small, ousted Secretary
of the Smithsonian, was taking a dip
in the Institution's private indoor swim-
ming pool earlier this week when a
piranha bit off the head of his *****.
Conrad told the court he has
absolutely no knowledge of being
involved even though a video from
Sam's Tropical Fish store shows
him buying six piranha, a $4.99 box
of piranha food, a copy of "Catching
Piranha in the Amazon," as well as
a souvenir blue "Smithsonian
Staff" T-****rt.
Meanwhile, it was confirmed that
Small has accepted an offer with
an internationally acclaimed carnival
and soon would be joining its world-
wide tour.
<
http://www.nurple.com/sideshow/
<
The victim was offered a weener
transplant by good-hearted David Iain
Greig, moderator of the talk.origin
newsgroup, but surgeons felt it
wouldn't do because it wasn't the
right color.
Small, wearing a cast on his crotch,
was in the court room seated next to
Cristián Samper, Acting Secretary of
the Smithsonian.
TV anchors Keith Olbermann of
"Countdown" on MSNBC and Bill O'Reilly
of "The Factor" on Fox News were seated
far apart but staring daggers at
each another.
Conspicuous by their absence were
Lou Dobbs. Chris Matthews, Brian
Williams, Charles Gibson, Katie
Couric, Larry King, ABC, CBS, NBC,
AP. UPI, Reuters and Pravda.
MORE MORE MORE
<
==========================================.
<
HOW TO PROTECT YOUR *****
http://www.vasectomy-information.com/humor/manual.htm
<
EXPLAINING THE WEENER (and other good stuff...)
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=weener
<
THOSE BASTARD PIRANHA
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piranha
<
HOW LAWRENCE B. SMALL SAVED TAXPAYERS' MONEY (For Himself)
http://www.wa****ngtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/03/18/AR2007031801369.html
http://www.wa****ngtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/graphic/2007/03/19/GR2007031900078.html
<
=======================
THE EARLIER BULLETIN
=======================
<
By Oliver Shagnasty
The Wa****ngtan Pist
WA****NGTON, DC -- City police
today apprehended the person they
claim had placed piranha in the
Smithsonin's indoor swimming pool
earlier this week, causing former
ousted Secretary Lawrence M. Small
his precious manhood and as well
as considerable embarrassment.
The suspect was identified as one
Ed Conrad who was accompanied
by his Huskie named Blue.
<
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/EdConrad&Blue.jpg
<
Conrad, who doesn't know his ass
from a hole in the ground, has long
thought he was smarter than the
Smithsonian "experts" but we all
know that he has a petrified brain
made of coal.
Where was this freakin' nutcase
when "real" brains were given out?
Will somebody please pass me the
darts?
<
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/EdConradDartboard.jpg
<
< MORE MORE MORE
<
===============================================
<
< THE VERY FIRST BULLETIN
WA****NGTON, DC (Rueters) -- Lawrence M. Small,
former Secretary of the Smithsonian, lost his weener this
morning during a swim in the Institution's private indoor
swimming pool.
Small, who enjoys taking a dip after breakfast, was bitten
by one or more piranha which authorities say probably had
been put in the pool by one Ed Conrad.
Conrad, respected on the Internet as a leader of conserving
Cyberspace, apparently was miffed because the Smithsonian
has long denied his discoveries of petrified bones, teeth and soft
organs -- some HUMAN -- between anthracite coal veins, which
obviously destroys the facetious Theory of man's Evolution..
A photo was taken by a Paparazzi just seconds before
the piranha attack.
Mr. Small, at the hospital preparing for a ***** transplant
from talk.origins moderator David Iain Greig, a donor,
said he may have to find a new line of work and admits
he has received several offers to join the carnival and
tour as a freak.
<
================================
<
> TRUTH VS. THE MONUMENTAL LIE OF MAN'S EVOLUTION
> (Fossils -- SOME HUMAN -- Found Between Coal Veins)
<
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/OldestHumanSkull.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/ManasOldasCoal.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/Discoveries.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/MoreFossils.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/HumanBrain.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/TestResults.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/OldestTool.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/Scorpion.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/MVC-013F.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/MVC-022S.JPG
<
===============================
<
The anthros, their interests SO vested
And Poor Truth, for too long molested
Their deceit and deception
Near the point of perfection
If it were MY call, they'd ALL be arrested
<
===============================
<
> PETRIFIED FOSSILS STILL EMBEDDED IN SLATE
<
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/NewFossils/MVC-002S.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/NewFossils/MVC-003S.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/NewFossils/MVC-006S.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/NewFossils/MVC-007S.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/NewFossils/MVC-009S.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/NewFossils/MVC-010S.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/NewFossils/MVC-012S.JPG
<
======================================
<
Ed Conrad
http://www.edconrad,com
Man as Old as Coal
and
Proof of Life After Death
<
==================
<
SEE THE BLOODY-RED POOL FOR YOURSELF
http://www.nmnh.si.edu/anthro/cm/directions.htm
<
==================================
<
< NO FISH STORY
<
TRUTH VS. THE MONUMENTAL LIE OF MAN'S EVOLUTION
(Fossils -- SOME HUMAN -- Found Between Coal Veins)
<
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/OldestHumanSkull.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/ManasOldasCoal.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/Discoveries.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/MoreFossils.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/HumanBrain.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/TestResults.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/OldestTool.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/Scorpion.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/MVC-013F.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/MVC-022S.JPG
<
Ed Conrad
http://www.edconrad.com
Proof of Life After Death AND Man as Old as Coal
<
(cc) Sir Isaac Newton Johannes Keppler Ed Conrad Copernicus
Galilei Galileo Christopher Columbus Immanuel Velikovsky Al Einstien
Matthew, Mark, Luke and Jack ABC CBS General Electric Time Warner
Disney Capital Cities ABC Viacom News Corp. Turner Broadcasting NBC
MSNBC Fox News BBC London Smithsonian Institution Viagra CNN ABC
Cialis American Association for the Advancement of Science American
Association of Physical Anthropology Lou Dobbs Larry King Anderson
Cooper Penn State talk.origins David Iain Greig moderator Harvard Yale
Chris Mathews Keith Olbermann Bill O'Reilly New York Times Daily News
Post Newsday Newsweek Wa****ngton Post Philadephia Inquirer Montreal
Gazette Oil BBC Iraq Oil Baghdad Nazis Adolf Hitler NAFTA Ross P*****
Pseudoscientific Establishment Antonio "Call Me Alzheimers" Gonzales
National News Media Intelligent Design Hubble Wl-Mart Meet the Press
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Byrd Robert Novak Tony Blair Pope John XXII Larry Silverstein Oliver
Stone Rosie O'Donnell To Catch a Predator on American Idol New York
Times Post Daily News Wa****ngton Post Keith Olbermann Cindy Sheehan
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Jane Fonda John Murtha NYC Firefighters 911Conspiracy Kevin Smith
Pravda War in Iraq Baghdad Iran Middle East Tony Blair London Lou
Dobbs Don Imus Oliver Stone UN Scooter Libby Barack Obama Baghdad
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Rumsfeld Trump Rosie O'Donnell Good Morning America Meet the Press
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Google Newsday Jeff Rense Katie Couric Alex Jones Jeff Rense
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Fighters Civil War NYC Sen. Richard Byrd People New York City WMD WTC
Saddam Hussein London Wal-Mart Rupert Murdoch Afghanistan PBS
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Savage
|
