21 March 2008 - Ryan Phillippe, Big Show, J B Smoove
Jimmy Is:
Aware it's Good Friday, a happy topic.
Introduction:
Bill Clinton adulterer. Elliot Spitzer sex addict. Jim
McGreevey gay. Larry King old. Starbucks overpriced. Producer of the
Girls Gone Wild video wants to start a Girls Gone Wild Magazine. Might
feature boobs. A big insurance company announced they'll give $10
million to anyone inventing a car that gets 100 miles per gallon.
Meanwhile, Exxon will give $11 million to anyone who kills that guy. In
Oregon a man was arrested for masturbating in a Target; he's been named
Employee of the Month at Wal-Mart. Black hat and ladies' sunglasses look
good on him.
What *is* so funny about peace, love, and understanding?
Pierre Bernard: Potential doom? Rerecorded by Ian McShane, of
Deadwood. He'll try doing a bit more like Ian McShane, and makes what
sounds like some kind of Tolkein reference.
NCAA March Madness Mascots: Drake Blue Denim Devil in Daisy
Dukes. Kansas State Tandem Combovers. Saint Mary's Beer Bong Nun.
Indiana University Kama Sutra Skeletons. Illinois University Bigmouth
Billy Bass Who Shares Barack Obama's Views On The World. University of
Minnesota Mini Minnie Driver Driving a Mini Cooper Mini. New York
University Governor Martin Van Buren Getting A Lap dance FroM Governor
Thomas Dewey. Washington State Hotdogging Hot Dog. The other mascots
come out and finish him off. ``You don't gotta beat me with that much
-- relish!'' (Twinkle!) Splendid ending to the sketch. Do more of that.
+ My father and I attended the taping which introduced the
Gaseous Wiener to the world.
Ryan Phillippe:
Tabloids run photos of him working out, over and over. Who's
the smiling guy? His friends say, he is not that interesting. Throwing
a half-eaten breakfast meal at the photographers? They can't sue. Kids
huge Hannah Montana fans. Stop-Loss: it'd be really unpopular if people
knew what it was. Were there people who don't know what it is?
Conan's Mail Came:
Letter from Max Weinberg: read via Ken Burns effect. ``How is
the band? It pains me to think how much of their young lives I must be
missing. Is Pender still bald? Is Mike still black?'' He hopes for an
end to this bloody, senseless tour.
Big Show:
One of the few guests who makes Conan look little. To fight
Floyd Mayweather, 5'8", 159 pounds. Insane. Mayweather punched him in
the nose, after Big Show made fun of him. Big Show's wife is bigger
than him. When you're famous and have a gimmick name you don't want to
hear it all the time. After a fight, she bought a turtle, Big Slow, as
if she wasn't talking to him. New York dirty-water hot dogs were cut
down by a guy to a dollar -- wait, they *are* a dollar. And you know
what that means ...
J B Smoove:
Keep things real. He goes onto things about being real while
breaking up, like, by faking nightmares. Tall skinny white men are good
for him? Robot dancing contest among skinny men.
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