28 February 2008 - Natalie ****tman, Robert Schimmel, James Blunt
Jimmy Is:
Great.
Introduction:
John McCain old. Ralph Nader loser. Bush dumb. Swedish people
talk funny. FLUGENBACH! Valerie Bertinelli, Kirstie Alley not
interesting. Keith Richards druggie. Hillary Clinton shrew.
Leap Day! Leap-Aggeddon! Conan mistakenly attributes leap day
to the Gregorian calendar; it's only the century correction which
doesn't trace back to the Julian calendar. Chaos is King! Whipped
Cream Top Hat! *** on a Ladder! (The weak one. Whipped Cream Top Hat
was the strongest one.) Pig in a Hammock!
James Wormworth gets a pedicure at 5th Avenue Nails: They get
candies, nobody's around. Conan cough-bribes with a $50 bill. She's
from somewhere in Russia. James has webbed toes. Conan tries starting
some weird rule of thumb. They add sound effects to nail-filing.
Massage chair racing. Conan's chair has a rabid raccoon. Foot braces
from Misery, and what can paper slippers not do? Blue leg paint?
They're separated, and Conan gets into gossip while James whistles the
Jeopardy theme. They walk out to the street barefoot.
Now James's feet have pink toenail polish.
Natalie ****tman:
She beat Meryl Streep for a Golden Globe! She was shocked.
****tman felt guilty for comic trash-talking. Working silly things into
the eight jillionth interview of the day. Royal Premiere, with the
royals: you have to answer, but not ask, questions. ``You must address
her by ma'am which rhymes with spam.'' Was she in the original Star
Wars films? Trumpets cost money: who pays? Kung Fu Snow White?
Robert Schimmel:
Had non-Hodgkins lymphoma. Family adjustments: parents took it
hard. Doctor approved marijuana in front of his parents. Mother went
for rolling paper at 7-Eleven. Sense of humor helps.
Wanted to know about angry guy with cancer. Made joke about
***iness; guy fell out of his chair laughing. Changed his attitude.
Chemotherapy baldness: guy with wigs and catalogue, didn't know Schimmel
started bald. Including wigs for private areas. Merkins. Looks like
doughnuts dropped on a barber shop floor.
Jackie Mason introduced him to friends as Howie Mandel, after
chemotherapy. Used ``Robert Schimmel'' as his name; Mason believes
``Howie Mandel'' is the stage name. Starts rumor Mandel was on
chemotherapy. Comedy festival: Mandel comes over, asking how he is.
James Blunt:
All The Lost Souls: Carry You Home.
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