21 February 2008 - Barbara Walters, Wladimir Klitschko, Black Mountain
Max Is:
Draining all the authenticity from the programs.
Introduction:
John McCain: elderly sex gross. Bill Clinton horny. Spice
Girls awful. Bush dumb. Hooters sleazy. Sharper Image stuff
over-complicated junk. Kirstie Alley fat. Pantsless guy at Dunkin
Donuts arrested, offered to ``glaze'' the doughnuts.
Conan gets Michael Buffrow, the ``Let's Get Ready To Rumble''
guy, to introduce Klitschko.
Barack Obama wildly popular. People go nuts for blowing his
nose, opening a water bottle, and such.
McCain Secrets from before Late Night went HD: Stewardess
school. He dyed his hair to look like Andy Warhol. He beat up guys who
mocked his spilled mustard. Gay joke.
The Interruptor! Conan hoped he was dead or incarcerated.
Might create a half-man, half-bobcat hybrid. Conan knows a bit about
Canadian bobcats. They'll go sniffing Dayquil during the break.
Barbara Walters:
Fidel Castro: Walters interviewed him twice. An affair? Castro
makes a great grilled cheese sandwich. Problem with Obama: he'd been on
The View, and she forgot. Conan knows: never tell show business people
``nice to meet you'' or ``nice to see you again'': say ``so good to see
you''.
She was in Buckingham Palace. She looked for ladies' room
souvenirs; nothing disposable. Ruined many careers with one guitar and
band interview, plus got nine speeding tickets.
Wladimir Klitschko:
He's taller than Conan. Conan's oldest brother could beat
Klitschko and his older brother, but they're not fighters or lovers or
anything. Girlfriends are great ways to learn a language. Also The
Sopranos. Something about poison of a snake. Conan looks baffled or
skeptical. Superstition about boxers abstaining before a match: that's
private, he won't discuss it.
Black Mountain:
In The Future: Stormy High.
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