11 February 2008 - Carson Kressley, Jim DeRogatis and Greg Kot, Catherine
Russell
Max Is:
Head-bobbingly sincere.
Introduction:
Grammies. Late Night's theme song didn't win. So let's change
it. The replacement drumroll works, but the rest needs work. Max is
skeptical, not having listened to the radio since 1971.
What's written and what's not written? Rerun from the last
pre-writers-strike show.
Ring Spinning: some celebrants turned to rioting. Sadly, we
won't be seeing Suzie Santomoro anymore. She sleeps in a walnut, bathes
in a dewdrop, comes to work hanging on a dragonfly. She loves her 80s
hits, so, why not sing George Michaels' `Faith'?
Carson Kressley:
Spice Girls. He goes to Kentucky to relax on horses. He's too
gay for the Super Bowl. Supermodels are freaks. Bra whisperer. Would
director Alan look good naked? We asked the NBC Commissary. This may
not have been wise. He tried going to a movie audition, but got to the
wrong place, baffling the woman who lived there.
A toucan is loose in the audience.
Jim DeRogatis and Greg Kot:
Grammies. Weird. Virtual duets with someone alive would be
fun, or a Saturday Night Live sketch. Bono called during a baseball
game and said they vexed U2 with their review. You have to believe what
you write. Bono called back and set a restaurant meeting. Grateful
Dead? Huh? Dave Matthews? What are the other people doing during
instrument solos? The Doors: huh? They wouldn't be in a band, and
they'll have to fight their way out.
Catherine Russell:
Sentimental Streak: I Don't Care Who Knows.
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12 February 2008 - Jim Cramer, Jose Andres, Band of Horses
Max Is:
Smooth. It's not Valentine's Day yet.
Introduction:
The strike's over! Get our characters back! Masturbating Bear,
Triumph, Jew-Bacca, Pierre Bernard, Vomiting Kermit. They're in
Ireland. They let Toonces drive.
Message to the writers: a call on the Horn of Urgency to Tod
Browning's Freaks.
Jerry and Jimmy Vivino: they're from a show business family.
Conan has old photographs. They're barber shop quartet tap dancers.
Jimmy was hyper; they didn't have ritalin back then; Jerry was jealous.
Jimmy's Bernardo from West Side Story. Jerry's a gay jockey. Jerry in
a sombrero for the 1964 World's Fair. Them in tux and top hats from
1881.
Last thing Conan's not done: there's a passage under the seats
to Chris Elliot's old lair. Old New York Post, a sandwich Conan is
pushed to eating. People stomping, poke in the seats. A chair for no
reason. Eat it! It's Abe Vigoda! Conan pokes his head up in the
seats.
Jim Cramer:
He's going to sit in his car. He has medication. He got
wealthy not paying full price for Xanax. Yoga. No internal life. He
had the wrong Spice Girls ticket date. Olive Garden. Didn't he give
this interview like four weeks ago?
Conan dislikes Applebee's because of the name, much like
Huckabee. Cramer tries edging into the Huckabee thing. Free pastry at
Panera.
Jose Andres:
What's wrong with Cramer?
An original drink: the Conando. Puree of raspberry, in water
with seaweed powder. It's a semi-fluid thing. Cotton candy.
Conan puts ice in bucket: cooking. Sparkling wine from
Catalonia. Vodka. Syrup with vanilla. Rose water. Conan has
beautiful eyes. Vanilla syrup. Shaking music.
Sugar. Dry raspberries. Andres becomes Cramer.
Raspberry rim. Heart. Cotton candy. Open the shaker.
Sparkling wine. Where's the ice? Pour it on. ``Oh my God Conan, what
are you doing later tonight? You're good.'' Only one drink for two
men. That is really good.
Band of Horses:
Cease to Begin, which Conan can't find: No One's Gonna Love You,
unless it's Is There A Ghost instead.
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