28 January 2008 - Jim Gaffigan, Pale Force, Chuck ``The Iceman'' Liddell,
Joe Nichols
Max:
Doesn't match up.
Introduction:
Conan shaved, worsening his appearance. o/` Clean-shaven face
.... o/` One guy boos Conan's sitting.
Conan plays with his own camera switcher and makes his own
'Psycho' scene from it. Alan the director calls cameras and snaps his
fingers. The crowd hasn't got time to applaud themselves. Alan eats a
sandwich. Max looks on sternly. Conan looks good talking in
three-quarters profile.
Researcher Aaron Blair has trouble with a men's room that offers
little privacy at the urinal. Conan tries approaches like human
barriers or Blair carrying his own particle board. There's a TV set in
the men's room on 9. Blair flushes the urinal by accident.
Jim Gaffigan:
He has a big head, and he dislikes camping. Camp sites are
weird. Hammocks are the bacon of s****ting goods.
Conan does his Pale Force routine. They have yet another Season
Finale again. The Golden Girls pummel Pale Conan. And they have a
Clifford the Big Red Dog parody.
Chuck ``The Iceman'' Liddell:
He only worries about harming people after the contests. Fans
ask him to punch them. His grandfather taught him to fight, as he was
beat up a lot in school. He stares intently. Popeye punches are good.
Neither of them has seen guy kissing their fist first before throwing
the punch. He got a stripper pole as a Christmas gift.
Joe Nichols:
From 'Real Things': It Ain't No Crime
--------
29 January 2008 - David Gregory, Travis Pastrana, Kate Walsh
Max is:
Choppy and mechanical
Introduction:
Bush didn't greet heroes for his State of the Union Address, so
Conan greets audience heroes, like the woman whose birthday it is, the
guy Conan thinks is from ****tugal, Conan's stalker (paid $500/month for
stalking services), guy who thought this was Regis, LaBamba and his
facial expressions.
Conan plays with camera switching fast enough to trigger
epileptic fits; and visual effects, like the ball, the false-color, and
the half-screen mirrors which make him look like various sorts of fish,
monsters, and Mickey Rooney. Alan eats a bunt cake, his favorite.
Conan put the hole there himself.
Super Bowl Turtles-On-Remote-Control-Cars race. It's amazingly
close, but the Giants Turtle Car edges the Patriots out. Maybe they
should have rockets, or have a catapult involved.
David Gregory:
He was caught dancing; it's a web silly thing. Tall men can't
dance without scaring people.
Mitt Romney: actually named Mitt. May be whiter than Conan.
Primaries are hard, particularly on cheap campaigns. He sleeps
in his own sack. Air Force One has peanuts. Bush loves drunk people.
Travis Pastrana:
There's no room for error in wild motocross stunts; you have to
look at the coolness rather than getting killed. He's broken most
everything and doesn't remember how many concussions he's had.
His motocross buddies can fool him into thinking he's married
with children after a crash.
He jumped out of a plane without a parachute, from about 10,000
feet. Someone else was to jump and catch him.
Kate Walsh:
Tim's House: Absolutely no idea what song this is.
http://www.amazon.com/Tims-House-Kate-Walsh/dp/B000R3VURC/
--------
30 January 2008 - Jeff Corwin, Colin Hanks, Matt Nathanson
Max:
Thinks! He's studying those tapes on how humans behave.
Introduction:
They try doing the show Cloverfield-style. Or like a heavy
metal video. LaBamba vomits and chokes on his moustache.
Kids in the audience have ``Bring Back The Beard'' T-****rts.
They have to wear beards the whole show.
NBC promotions tried making the Jim Gaffigan/Chuck Liddell show
the other day look like a Super Bowl thing. Late Night Show MMDXVI, The
Grapple In The Big Apple.
The turtles are on rocket-propelled cars. The Patriots win by far.
Jeff Corwin:
One attack ****cupine. It likes Conan. Corwin tells some weird
joke about his wife.
Arctic Fox, looking like a little girl's poster or Conan's Tiger
Beat props. Corwin rubs Conan.
Golden eagle. Huge, huge wingspan. Corwin sweeps it toward
Conan. Could it attack Conan, crush his skull, and devour his brains on
TV? It's almost as if the eagle understood Conan.
****ngle-backed skink. Its rear looks like its head. This gets
the skink out of boring conversations.
Penguin! Someone thinks the dead fish is adorable.
American alligator: what are the odds he'll whip around, grab
Conan's arm, drag him to a swamp, and pull him under? It has a
nictating membrane over its eyes.
Colin Hanks:
He questions the legitimacy of rocket turtle races. He calls
for slapshotting turtles.
He's scared of spiders. He liked the Planet Earth series, but
there is filler. Like, wild donkeys in the great plains of Mongolia?
It turned out to be the best section as Sigorney Weaver narrated the
mating ritual, straight.
They sip cold water. Conan thinks the *concept* of torturing
people through web sites is amusing.
Matt Nathanson:
'Some Mad Hope': Car Crash.
--------
31 January 2008 - Dr Phil, David Borgenicht, Les Savy Fav
Max Is:
Unconvincing.
Introduction:
Conan wants to do a show for the people in the back. There's a
Bessie Lou clone in back. Conan's hair is awesome. There's doughnuts.
Conan can touch people. He likes it. They have beach balls, and hit
them too hard. Conan finds his Christmas card. He can't crowd-surf,
but a likeness of him can. Conan is horrified. THey shouldn't give the
doughnut back; it's been in that guy's hair.
Turtles on rockets: the Patriots turtle wants off. Down the
hallway, onto the elevators, up to 7, out through the complicated turns
into 6-A on the top. I note the Patriots turtle has a considerably
longer track to follow. The Giants turtle wins.
Dr Phil:
He doubts Conan could handle Dr Phil's analysis of writerless
Conan. Dr Phil seems obsessed with hair and touches Conan's.
``He's all hat and no cattle''? Other people want to understand
his phrases. Don't bring others into this. Conan's never licked a
calf. Dr Phil quizzes Conan.
He was in hospital on morphine recently. You get weird dreams.
Colonoscopy -> Conanoscopy.
1000 shows. Conan's on 2519.
Britney Spears: please, get useful help.
David Borgenicht:
It started as a joke but was funnier if the answers were real.
They try non-lethal approaches, like how to take a punch: move toward
the blow.
Conan can't keep straight what animals to run from and what to
not: don't run from gorillas. Smack your lips and pick stuff off its
fur.
Elephant stampede: cover your face and lie down.
Escaping a bad date: go into a bathroom, change your appearance.
Lose your tie, your ****rt, muss your hair. Change your walk.
Among Conan's favorite illustrations: how to save a choking cat.
Les Savy Fav:
Let's Stay Friends: I have no idea what they were singing, but
the lead singer appears to be Charles Emerson Winchester III, and he
takes off many ****rts for the song. Then he puts an eagle head mask on
his hand, before resting it on his head.
--------
1 February 2008 - Shawn Thayer, Ingrid Backstrom, The Blind Boys of
Alabama
Max is:
Really that hard-put to show enthusiasm.
Introduction:
Stephen Colbert tiff? Conan created Mike Huckabee and Stephen
Colbert. But Colbert got Jon Stewart into it. Stewart has his old Jon
Stewart Show appearance. So Stewart made Conan. Conan has a photo
proving: he was the doctor who delivered Stewart and Colbert.
Director of Special Effects John Greenfield: he shakes his head
while agreeing Conan's easy to work with. They blow up the General
Eisenhower mug. Conan complicates the countdown. They breathe metal
fragments. Hand flash unit. Conan's good at this. Remote controlled
embarrassing things. Second mug explosion. Greenfield does a fine
sketch pulling out the key to fire 'the weapon'. Crying glasses.
Blowing up the mug again, impressively this time. He comes out with a
flaming hand.
Shawn Thayer:
He controls robots on what looks like an old Atari system.
Conan dubs the robot the Talon XE-15 Megaforce. It's 2525 and talk show
hosts are robots. Conan gives it voice. They send roses to Janice Huff
doing the five-day forecast at WNBC: bring love, robot, bring love!
Conan becomes David Letterman of 1985.
Ingrid Backstrom:
You can fall on snow as it's soft. 'Ski ****': appropriate
term? As long as you can stand, you can let gravity work. Conan doubts
the simplicity of it. There's a fall of 255 feet at once as some kind
of record; I couldn't quite make her out, but the motif seems to be, 'If
you ski into a tub you'll be killed.' Conan skis by drinking cocoa
instead.
The Blind Boys of Alabama:
Down in New Orleans: Free At Last.
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