Countries that have nationalized all or part of their oil and gas
industries since the early 20th century include Venezuela, Bolivia, Iran,
Libya, Kuwait, Mexico, Nigeria and Saudi Arabia.
A watermark of a 1953 Buick is a security feature of a 1000-peso note from
Colombia. (From the International Bank Note Society, via Coin World)
The Seinfeld episode that contains a Burma/Myanmar reference is The
Foundation, from Season 8.
Rusty Torres, an unremarkable major league outfielder, was in uniform for
all three of the notorious spectator-caused game forfeitures of the
1970s--
the last Wa****ngton Senators game in '71, "10-Cent Beer Night" in
Cleveland
in '74, and "Disco Demolition Night" in Chicago in '79.
There have been 672 known triple plays in major league baseball history.
The most common scoring entry among them? 5-4-3, with 72.
Japan's bullet trains are tied to coastal seismographs that put the brakes
on automatically if they detect a big enough quake approaching.
Gyotaku is the art of making fish prints on paper, reproducing the exact
features and characteristics of the fish. From the Japanese gyo, "fish",
and taku, "rubbing" or "impression".
MONITOR SPLATTERS:
And if they buy Minoltas, maybe we can finally get inside their minds!
Yes, I am an astronaut. And of course I'll respect you in the morning.
"No, they've taken up mime."
Join the locovore movement: only eat crazy stuff.
"Do you mind dressing up like an Altar Boy, Mr Hagee?"
Fisher-Paykel must be a division of that better-known Fisher division.
"Hey, guys! Let's go to that little blue planet and probe us some monkey-
boys!"
MOTTOS:
No zombie ****!
With monotheism, at least you know to whom you should be begging.
F-22s do it standing on their tail.
For any given conspiracy theory, the more people it would require to carry
the damn thing off, the less likely that the government is involved in it.
Because when the secret is that there is no secret, you can't not keep it
secret.
As long as the spouses make the rules and are having lots of hot monkey
***, who gives a ****?
SEMI-MOTTOS:
....and I'll just return to my usual mental fog.
Italian is a really good language for yammering, it seems.
I have it on good authority that you are a bag of mostly water.
"it's sleeting rats and crab-eating raccoons".
Been there, done that, the T-****rt is apparently in storage in Illinois.
BAND NAMES:
The Thoreau Pumpkins
THE CONFESSIONS OF AFCA:
I got used to bathrooms in clubs at the Jersey Shore. Nothing frightens
me
any longer.
My signature was readable until I was a security guard, signing the log
every fifteen minutes to prove that I was awake.
Damn - I sure am crotchety. I don't enjoy children, golf *or* NASCAR.
Three weeks ago my spike heels met a set of wet stone steps in London. My
face has almost healed. Apparently I'm not a superhero, after all.
A few weeks later the video club did a skit with me "What did you get for
Christmas?" "Lobotomy."
My response to my MIL saying my house is always "filthy" is to ask why she
hasn't called Child Protective Services. Surely, if it's that bad she has
a
duty.
I wanted to spend the money on floozies, but my wife vetoed that.
Reading posts chronologically instead of by thread can sometimes be
confusing. It wasn't until I got to "fire drill" that I understood the
subject to be training in exiting a building rather than a tool used to
make holes. Then it all suddenly made sense.
I was in a pub quiz once which asked "Which chess piece has two names?" I
think every team in the pub desperately wanted to answer "the horsey".
The oldest guy I dated was a year younger than Mom. I couldn't go older
than Mom because when I was 18, Mom made me promise I'd never date anyone
her age or older. The fact that such a promise was even necessary is kind
of sad, isn't it?
It's humbling to realize you are related to people who can't reliably
count
to 7, but humility is the truth.
GOALS, CREDOS, AFFIRMATIONS AND PONY REQUESTS:
I personally would sup****t any legislation that would make it illegal for
home improvement contractors and workers to have Caller ID on their
phones.
One of these days, I will have to order crab Yangon.
I've tried to avoid losing my right hand. Think of all the paperwork.
QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK:
What exactly IS June Cleaver supposed to do at 2:00 am?
I'm so confused. Am I allowed to fight with my husband or not?
What was the name of that drink in National Lampoon's Drunk Hunting Guide
that consisted of equal parts vodka and NyQuil?
Are you being a jackass or are you just saying you like tits?
You're one of those believers of the pointy end pointing, aren't you?
Why have you rejected your chopsticks?
Where are the fulcrums of the levers of government located?
Why has my hair gotten curlier as I have lost weight?
Have you invested in a micro soldering iron?
Wouldn't it be easier to just provide virtual earplugs to the virtual
neighbors who are claiming virtual trespass against the virtual singing
bird?
Aw, come on. What about Valse Triste? What about the Swan of Tuoenela? The
Karelia Suite? Lemminkäinen's Return?
ANSWERS OF THE WEEK:
> Kids are obsolete?
Not until I have a robot to bring me the remote control.
>Cheap, easy or good.
>Pick two out of three.....
How did the floozie thread get mixed in here?
>This argument could last a Weill.
Better keep the responses Kurt, then
ADVICE OF THE WEEK:
As the truck began to settle before the full skip had been poured in, I
decided that that amount was enough and I'd have to come back for the
rest.
Just because there was room left in the bed, doesn't mean you can fill it
up.
If he was too mad to sleep, he could go clean something up.
It's hard to find a place that doesn't have a bottle of Jim Beam
somewhere,
even if it's in the dishwasher's back pocket.
Just wrap it all in a big plastic bag and it'll be ok.
Oh, and if you plan it right, you get a ton of presents and you can even
trade off four or five of the toasters for a computer.
You've got to be careful around naturally disambiguated numbers.
Dude, if you're smoking 20 joints a day you don't have to worry about
cancer. You're more likely to get hit by a truck.
FUN ADVICE!
I do know that one toke from a joint will turn you into a maniac. I saw it
in a movie once.
AFCA COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT:
I have to wash the kitchen windows because of bird droppings. I don't know
how they crap sideways, but they manage to.
It's so hard having a big vocabulary. One knows so many words that are
hellishly hard to work into a conversation.
AFCA DEBATE TEAM TOPICS:
Anyone that, by now, doesn't know Myanmar's former name probably doesn't
care.
OUR FAR-FLUNG CORRESPONDENTS RE****T:
In 4th grade we were studying Africa, and whatever country I was
studying--
I think it was Nigeria--ate a diet heavy on millet. I noticed that the
birdseed was mostly millet so I planted some in my sandbox [...] watered
it
regularly and pretty soon I had a lot of millet sprouts. So I carefully
transplanted the millet sprouts into a pot and then took some more
birdseed
and ground it up and baked it into something breadlike. When it was time
for me to do my re****t I brought in my sprouted millet and the
millet-bread
[...] I got a good grade even though I'm not sure if I really learned
anything about Nigeria.
I was a foster mother to a child with a Spanish mother and an English
father. She had learned to speak Spanish if it was about things around the
home and English if it was more about cars and business. She was still too
young (5 years old) to know that she was speaking two languages.
For awhile I was taking cl***** towards becoming a certified financial
planner. The more I learned about it, the more it became clear that
knowing
finances and taxes and insurance and estate planning and so on is only
about 30% of the job. The other 70% is psychotherapy.
My dad tried long and hard to make New Orleans style pralines. He never
quite got what he wanted but the failures were delicious.
Today I saw my first broadtailed hummingbird of the season, she was
sipping
fresh water coming out of the hose where I was softening the ground as
part
of a rock garden.
Last week was our annual visit from the ***** roadrunner at our office
building. Every spring he gets it in his head that somewhere around our
building is a dangerous threat to his manhood and romantic partners and he
must drive them off. Of course what he is doing is seeing his reflection
in
the mirrored glass near the entrance. It's quite amusing to watch him run
up and fluff himself up to look as threatening as possible then run away
when his rival did the same.
CELEBRITY SLAPAROUND:
Shelley Fabares was a hot babe well into her 50s, but all the sudden she
looks like she's been pickled in her own sauce.
Dolores Taylor looks...well...badly embalmed, to be honest.
Well, as I walked out of the theater, I asked my friend what else he had
been in and said, "Wasn't he the guy who was busted for making ****o home
movies?" At which point I was enlightened that no, that was Rob Lowe;
Robert Downey Jr. was the guy repeatedly busted for drug problems.
WA****NG MACHINES IN BRIEF:
Top loader: mechanical equivalent of pummeling and rubbing the clothes by
hand in endless fireclay sinkfuls of water in your old
pre-stainless-steel-
and-worktops kitchen.
Front loader: equivalent of ba****ng the clothes on a wet rock in the edge
of the Ganges.
WORST. FORTUNE. COOKIE. EVER.
I'm sorry, but your relation****p is doomed. No-one loves you. Your best
bet is to kill yourself.
THE AFCA HOMELAND SECURITY DEPARTMENT WANTS *YOU!* TO BE ALERT FOR:
The Feces Family of Oregon
COMING SOON FROM AFCA STUDIOS:
Billy Jack Goes To The Nursing Home
NEW FEATURE ON THE AFCA RADIO NETWORK:
Speaking of Crows
WORDS AND PHRASES:
hectoklick
SUKCRmetrics
bongodynamics
pseudocyesis
pecan-milk
grackle juice
poisson mean
balloon-bread bun
squirt-yourself-in-the-eye juicy
unitarian agnostic cult
random birdsong intrusion
tingly tinkly twinkly powder
wrongwrongwrongitywrongness
AFCA HONORARY UMSCRIBE:
Irena Sendler
THIS WEEK'S SUMMARY WAS MADE POSSIBLE IN PART BY THE MAKERS OF
Myanmar Shave
NOW SIT BACK, RELAX, AND TRY NOT TO SPEND TOO MUCH TIME CONTEMPLATING
the directionless amorality of modern society
THE FORMERLY NEW FINE PRINT (v. 1.2)
The summary compiler does not guarantee to have read all posts to the
group. E-mail suggestions to deepstblu at sprynet dot com (preferably with
"summary" or "AFCA" in the subject line) are warmly welcomed, although
they
may not be acknowledged in a timely manner. Minor editing may (or may not)
have been performed in the interest of spelling, grammar or general
clarity. Some effort is made to subordinate the compiler's personal
standards to the perceived consensus of the group in matters of taste and
humor.
--
"So turn out the lights, and I'll be left in the dark again..."
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