Mayonnaise, when sold in the US, contains not less than 65 percent by
weight of vegetable oil.
Hydrometer, density meter, and brix meter may all refer to the same
device. (Or a brix meter may be something else.)
You can make dulce de leche by boiling canned sweetened condensed milk...
IN THE CAN. For like two hours or more. Make sure you keep the water level
high so the can doesn't explode. (Go look up the full directions if you're
trying this at home.)
No matter how much you bake a piece of mineral salt, it will never be on
fire. It melts at 800.8° C. and boils at 1465° C., but it won't burn.
Even if you can't get into the mind of a giraffe, you can get into its
neck and find out how many vertebrae reside there--seven, same as a
standard human has.
Buzz Aldrin, Clara Barton, Yogi Berra, Bill Bradley, Thomas Edison, Albert
Einstein, Malcolm Forbes, Robert Wood Johnson II, Vince Lombardi, Toni
Morrison, Norman Schwarzkopf, Frank Sinatra, Bruce Springsteen, Meryl
Streep and Harriet Tubman are the charter members of the New Jersey Hall
of Fame.
British Columbia's marijuana export market alone was estimated at 1,433
metric tons worth $2 billion in 2000--almost 3% of the provincial GDP, and
nearly the size of the province's mining and oil-and-gas sectors combined.
Binghamton, New York, is known as the Carousel Capitol of the World.
MONITOR SPLATTERS:
"and our heart will go on, dammit"
> I'm gonna have a BLT tonight, with lotsa mayo, and I have no L. I'll
> make it a triple-decker, and use ~1 Lb (equivalent) of B!
Can I have your truck?
[Summary Roulette: Perhaps not *everyone's* heart will go on.]
A box of Irvine Crayolas - 64 shades of beige
>> So why is MSG called MSG and not some less chemically name? I mean, MSG
>> might be correct, but why doesn't it have another name like sugar and
>> salt do?
>Accent
So vhy isn't tit chall'd . . . Oh, nevermind.
MOTTOS:
Indecision is often a sign of intelligence. The idiots KNOW that they're
smart enough.
I try to let the little stuff slide, but this is baseball we're talking
about here!
Think geocentrically vertically, folks!
So I'm all smiles and brownies and simmering rage. Wish me luck!
ANTI-MOTTOS:
I wanted to mention that, but couldn't find a hook to hang it on.
SEMI-MOTTOS:
I have no idea what that is either, but if it involves dainty nymphs then
count me in.
Plant potatoes, there's some tragic fodder for conversation for you.
My point being that there are other hosting providers out there with
complete packages who will not SUCK YOUR SOUL OUT THROUGH YOUR NOSTRILS
THEN BLEND IT AND DRINK IT IN AN APPLETINI.
If I have seen further than giants, it's because I was standing in their
eyebrows.
"he knows which side his Gordian Knot is buttered on."
Kiln, kiln, kiln, kiln, kiln, kiln, now it's just a nonsense word.
BAND NAMES:
Neanderthal Penguins
ALBUM TITLES:
Popsicle Science
FEATURING THE HIT SINGLE
Yes We May May
THE CONFESSIONS OF AFCA:
When Canada's postage went to 28 cents I would buy sheets of one-cent
stamps and cover the envelope with a 4x8 array of them, with a four-stamp
opening in the middle to write the address. None of those were ever
returned to me as badly stamped, even though the stamps weren't really in
the upper right corner.
May 1 was the tenth anniversary [of quitting smoking]. For those of you
keeping score at home, it was between 1.30 and 1.45 AM. I didn't stay up
to celebrate the exact hour, though. What would I do, have a beer and a
smoke and go to bed?
I make it a point of not getting in the habit of watching too much TV. No
snobbery, just that I'd go right over the line and never, ever leave the
couch. My ass would be one with the cushions.
I am feeling tragic and Irish.
I'm worried because I am getting low on clothes; my main supplier, an
ex-co-worker who used to pass her clothes along to me when she was tired
of them, retired and moved away.
The missus and I started out thinking we wanted four kids. After the
second one, we realized we were half right.
We blew a hole through an F-4 Phantom wing by having the vents clog. It
wasn't a tiny hole, either.
I don't even remember how I handled it in the end; it might have involved
white-out and a fax machine.
Of course, there was the time I rented a car and got in and discovered
that the car had no steering wheel. But that was in London, so it wasn't
my fault.
But God knows what would happen if we ever found ourselves in the same
town, or even the same country. They'd find our charred and
still-steaming corpses floating in a pool of sweat in a bed in a hotel
room, surrounded by worn-out kinky items, I know it. For this reason, I
avoid Belgium. I'm not insured for that sort of death. [Summarizer's
note: Picture a younger Woody Allen speaking those last two sentences.]
GOALS, CREDOS, AFFIRMATIONS AND PONY REQUESTS:
My Emperor of the Universe project will involve cloning Heather Graham. I
can't tell you more about it at this point.
I just need to get funding for my proposal involving parallel universes
and a control United States for comparison.
I think I'm going to need some grant money and beautiful lab assistants.
I'd go to church if I could attend in my pajamas.
*I* knew the answer, but by the time I read the thread, other people had
already explained it. Next time I'm going to know the answer, please
notify me in advance of posting so I can have the response ready to go.
Hey! I am nobody's beak!
QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK:
Wasn't life easier when we simply had to bribe the gods?
If you don't think it has anything to do with anything, what do you care
where I got it?
Do they not sell this stuff at the store? I think they sell this stuff at
the store. Is her stuff that much better than the stuff at the store?
If you had a run-off just among external combustion engines, would steam
beat a Stirling?
Who would've thought that all the power to my computers actually goes
through the light switch in the bathroom?
I've been inspired by Thomas Jefferson. However I repudiate his beliefs on
slavery. Can I do that, or do I have to repudiate Jefferson in his
totality?
And what happens if we place the church on a treadmill?
Is that the final vote from the voices in your head or does someone else
want to check in?
If you slurpee them, do they not antifreeze?
Do you want your annoyance to be overt, or covert?
Do tires ever play the fountain game?
Computer travails of puppies? Who'd of thunk it
Does investment in emotional inertia pay dividends of emotional baggage?
I hadn't heard. What happened? Is it happening here too?
Have you been getting drunk and watching the Lawrence Welk marathon again?
What's the margin of error on the margin of error?
ANSWERS OF THE WEEK:
> People are moving funds into oil futures bidding up the price. A look
> at the graph of oil prices almost exactly matches the tech bubble, and
> we know how that one ended up.
We ran out of tech; nobody could find any more? The EPA wouldn't let us do
any more drilling in Silly Valley?
>The death of one sheep diminishes us all.
So what does the buggering of one sheep do to us all?
>...my 3-year old boy has discovered 'O Fortuna'.
Is it better than Chicken of the Sea or Starkist?
ADVICE OF THE WEEK:
Assume he wasn't parking near the Bay of Fundy.
You can't _see_ those little electrons rushing about, you know.
The slant of the ellipse tells you the phase difference, from which you
can figure the power factor.
On the other hand, you'd save big-time on insulation because you'd have
the entire side of your house covered with breaker boxes.
AFCA COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT:
Long distance friendships can be more difficult than long distance
romances. No fun sex at the infrequent meetings.
Because, you know, your three year-old always has to go while you're stuck
in traffic in the middle of the Tappan Zee Bridge.
When you use Xnews's "Rewrap and Join Lines" command, it doesn't just fix
funky-looking quoted lines, but it also turns the Pomes of the Week into
prose and puts the body of the .sig on the hyphen-hyphen-space line.
[Sorry, had to vent. If anything looks strangely formatted this week,
that's probably why.]
FUN FACTS!
In a recent survey, only 12% of pollsters were found to take themselves
too seriously. 23% took themselves "not seriously enough". That left 65%
who took themselves "no more seriously than was reasonable".
The National Coalition for the Humorless, founded in 1982, is a national
network of people who are currently experiencing or who have experienced
humorlessness, activists and advocates, community-based and faith-based
service providers, and others committed to a single mission. That mission,
our common bond, is to end humorlessness.
DEPARTMENT OF GEEZERY:
Of course, back then, lambda was several microns, and not the submicron
stuff the young whippersnappers are using now. And speeds were in the 10s
of megahertz, and not the gigahertz stuff of modern ICs.
OUR FAR-FLUNG CORRESPONDENTS REPORT:
Almost as entertaining are the entries in the San Jose Mercury News police
blotter. Most of the city's listings (San Jose, Campbell, etc.) are not
fun...stabbings, robberies, etc. But Atherton's listings are often
special. A typical one would be "A resident reported a man who stared at
her in a suspicious manner", or "A car was parked on the street and
thought to have three occupants, but was found to be empty".
I have found that people sitting around a blackjack table in Las Vegas
will tell you all kinds of very personal stuff that they probably wouldn't
tell their friends that they see at home. It used to puzzle me until I
realized that they tell you these things because they know they will never
see you again after they leave the casino.
When I was a little kid, we always had a bottle of Accent around the
house, or sometimes the more generic Meat Tenderizer. My older brother saw
me sprinkle some on my tongue (tasting it, as I did with most things back
then,) and warned me that meat tenderizer would tenderize my tongue, which
would then fall out.
When a telemarketer calls, we can tell by the caller ID and let our
daughter answer the phone in French. We're interested to see if she ever
encounters a French-speaking telemarketer.
I know a guy who answers the phone in Klingon as a filter. He figures
anyone who either knows him or is a geek will recognize the language.
JUST BEGGING TO BE TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT:
I haven't actually used a "device" for close to twenty years.
DESPERATELY SEEKING A CONTEXT OUT OF WHICH TO BE TAKEN:
hotting in chins in the basement
THEOLOGICAL TENETS OF THE CHURCH OF USENET:
So there is a sort of limbo that exists outside the killfile that
functions as a zombie recycle bin.
CHANNELING STEVEN WRIGHT:
I once bought a 1' = 1' map, but had to give it away. It was too much
trouble to unfold.
POMES OF THE WEEK:
Sheep angels, Can you hear me?
Sheep angels, Can you see me?
You didn't read verboten sign
So now it is au gratin time.
Needle, if it existed would be wrong.
Triangle doesn't exist.
Gas pump handle is correct.
Tra la! It's May!
The lusty month of May!
That darling month when ev'ryone throws
Self-control away.
It's time to do
A wretched thing or two,
And try to make each precious day
One you'll always rue!
AFCA UNIVERSITY ESSAY ASSIGNMENT OF THE WEEK:
Compare and contrast 'Brief Encounter', 'The Bridges of Madison County',
and 'Lost in Translation'. Use both sides of the paper.
WORDS AND PHRASES:
prespect
ansatrons
lathyrism
degazetted
monamorous
tuberisation
no-secones
nose choir
rice physics
garage saling
creep filters
litmus balloon
attenuating probes
particle burner-offer
the general it
zombie recycle bin [Yes, we needed to see that again]
AFCA HONORARY UMSCRIBE:
Diana Barnato Walker
THE FORMERLY NEW FINE PRINT (v. 1.2)
The summary compiler does not guarantee to have read all posts to the
group. E-mail suggestions to deepstblu at sprynet dot com (preferably with
"summary" or "AFCA" in the subject line) are warmly welcomed, although
they may not be acknowledged in a timely manner. Minor editing may (or may
not) have been performed in the interest of spelling, grammar or general
clarity. Some effort is made to subordinate the compiler's personal
standards to the perceived consensus of the group in matters of taste and
humor.
--
"But you wave your hand, and they scatter like crows..."
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