Yes, you can get Dr Pepper in the UK.
A mole of isotopically pure Carbon 12 weighs 12 grams exactly. But
naturally occurring carbon is not isotopically pure, so a mole weighs
around 12.011 grams. (But everyone knows that.)
American pawpaw is related to cherimoya, soursop and custard apple; it's
the only member of the family that's not tropical. Its flowers produce an
odor similar to that of rotting meat to attract blowflies or carrion
beetles for cross pollination. Growers may resort to hand pollination or
to
hanging chicken necks or other meat to attract pollinators.
Bell Telephone's WWII-vintage "Victory Siren" was able to shatter a
human's
eardrums from a hundred feet away. The United States Army considered using
it as a weapon.
The French franc was abolished in 1641 and reinstated in 1795.
MONITOR SPLATTERS:
Bang on the window of the car while waving a condom and yelling
"THREESIES,
THREESIES!" If you wear a Nixon rubber mask, it's several times more
effective.
Yeah, Louisiana got traded around a lot. I think that the Red Sox owned
the rights to it briefly, off a Rule 5 draft...
What about their 'Siren of Defeat'?
> I guess I should do some potty research.
So? What did you decide? Did you arrive at your choice by a process of
elimination?
> I mean, you have George Hamilton and Michael Jackson in the same shot,
> does that just void the warranty?
Interesting. There must have been at least one crossover point in their
lives where they were both the same color.
From my observations, if you have 2 or 3 teenagers in the house, no amount
of food will suffice. Give them what they need to thrive and then let
them
eat the furniture. They won't mind.
That's why you have to legalize gay marriage first and get the guys used
to
the idea of marrying each other.
If Pibb can't be arsed to go to medical school, why the **** should we buy
HIS drink?
MOTTOS:
It makes a good story, but a story is all we've got so far.
"Reach out and improperly touch someone."
Chernobyl wasn't a buggy full of teddy bears.
I come purely for the theatre.
You may argue with me all you like, but the probable result will be
nothing
beyond the addition of the word "bounder".
ANTI-MOTTOS:
I forget what logarithms are good for, but I have a dim feeling that this
makes sense.
I just thought it might be nice to round out the pointless conjecture.
SEMI-MOTTOS:
Sir, you are brilliant. Brilliant!! In a Three Stooges kind of way.
"We've replaced the thoughtful and witty postings with the ravings of a
netloon. Let's see if he notices!"
I, for one, welcome Cheney's alien overlord.
"Jimmy Hoffa is wearing a David Ortiz Jersey"
That's a very nice philosophy. It's nice how you avoid all that pesky
"reality" that gets in your way.
It was like "stereotypes on ice" only without the ice.
BAND NAMES:
Firm White Nectarine
Jealous Zealots
ALBUM TITLES:
The Long Cool Proof
FEATURING THE HIT SINGLE:
I Know a House Where Trust Lives
THE CONFESSIONS OF AFCA:
>> Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and
>> H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.
> And just look what happened to both companies.
I worked at both of them! That's what happened.
Keep in mind, I'm the guy who can't figure out a 1040EZ form.
Maybe I'm just a total philistine.
Mountain Dew and Twinkies are still a mystery to me.
My schooling in early American History was inadeqate...or my brain is.
Probably both.
I almost lost my wife's most recent draft of her novel, because she hadn't
backed it up (and said she had, but it was still my fault because I'm the
husband)
When I was in high school, I used to go up to Panorama (Makeout) Point on
Friday nights with an electronic flash unit. I'd fire it into each car in
the parking lot, then lead the parade back down the hill until I could
lose
my tail.
I don't have that many ideas, and when I do, I usually post them here.
When I found my shade of hair dye on sale at Big Lots for $1.99 a box, I
bought out their whole stock.
That's pre-ferment, not prefer-ment. When I came across this in the bread
groups it really baffled me. I mean, what's a preferment and why do you
prefer it and how can you tell which part to prefer?
My child has an ingrained hatred of Barney. Guess who ingrained it in him?
ANTI-CONFESSIONS:
I deny having visualized a cause of death involving a coconut.
ACHIEVEMENTS OF THE WEEK:
Winner of trophy at 2007 Illinois State Fair for Best Pickle, Relish or
Salsa
So I've got $169.98 to spend at Office Max and as many chairs in just as
good condition as when I started out.
GOALS, CREDOS, AFFIRMATIONS AND PONY REQUESTS:
I can *afford* a lot of things I refuse to spend money on.
I have some great ideas for future emails that virtually any boss would
find offensive.
There should be a way that a single user can reboot all the computers on
the network simultaneously, to achieve your goal. Think of all the fun in
the office.
I have so many bottles of Fantastik I just wish I cleaned more.
Next time, for my fans, I'll set things on fire, or at least generate an
electrical arc.
We'll just label it "Crunchy" and say it's a feature.
I need to dream up an idea for diet kugel, so there IS always room for it.
FEAR OF THE WEEK:
....the fact that the yard is permeated with moles and I'm afraid the
house
is going to sink into the earth...
QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK:
Any AFCANs besides me watched a nuke go boom?
What would happen if you combined helium and propane? Would you get party
balloons that explode when they get near an open flame? Or would the
propane make them too heavy to float?
Does an employee have a reasonable expectation of privacy in the company
bathroom? Can the company install cameras there?
Do you have any idea how many consumables you can fit in a bra this size?
How many times do I have to post again about what I actually meant to say?
How so go this terribly terrifying 'tater?
A gigantic topless praying mantis in a skirt?
You're screwing Leroy?
ANSWERS OF THE WEEK:
> I've not read any of them but I would warn anyone thinking of taking on
>'A Dance to the Music of Time' that it is not just one book, it is twelve
> books.
Well, it's not the Minute Waltz he's referring to, I guess.
ADVICE OF THE WEEK:
The third from the left is "Chuckley-boo." Extrapolate from there.
Stay away from oregano. I've tasted sauces simply destroyed by oregano.
Paint barefoot.
Everything leaks.
Solution: more parties!
AFCA COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT:
I still haven't gotten stranded on a desert island with two hot chicks, a
couple of rich old WASPs and a couple of doofy boat guys who look like
Laurel and Hardy.
Three-minute ***? I Am Not Impressed.
I'm really starting to resent having to watch hot muskrat love on top of
my
picnic table.
I don't want weak-thumbed people breaking into my car!
It still kills me how many of these women who *can't* feed their kids
smoke
like fiends at $6 a pack.
AFCA DEBATE TEAM TOPICS:
And like most governments, the places where they're ahead of the times,
they usually just end up ****ing it up.
SAY WHA'?
knowing how to buy and good food on the cheap of learned skills
Maybe ginger ale is a specific category of ginger ales, the same way it is
with alocoholic beverages?
OUR FAR-FLUNG CORRESPONDENTS RE****T:
I bought my wife a set of wireless headphones to use while she's on the
treadmill (no airplanes in sight) and they can pick up the neighbors'
analog wireless phone. They usually speak in Chinese, so we don't know if
they are talking about us.
I made a serious mistake once in ****on Phenom, Thailand. I was jonesin'
bad
for some pizza and I wasn't even more than four months away from the
States. You guessed it! Ketchup! Gaaackk!
My sister used to be afraid of Paul McCartney's teeth.
Driving down Route 10 in Che****re, CT about 34 years ago in my 1966 Chevy
Suburban wagon, at about 40 mph, I experienced the loss of my right front
wheel[...]I watched my wheel travel on ahead of me, then jump the curve,
go
through a front yard, pass between two houses, and disappear into the back
yard of the next house. Afterwards the axle needed replacing, but the
wheel
was fine as soon as it was equipped with some new bearings.
Every year a pair of ravens sets up camp in the osprey nest. They play
around and look very smug for snagging such a cool pad. They're usually
there for a week or two before the pair shows up and puts them out in
about
ten seconds. Then the pair stands there, together, for about a week,
looking like the Larson cartoon "birds of prey know they're cool". Then
she sits down and the work starts.
Our living room has no coffee table - we have a large wooden cable spool
covered with a circular tablecloth. Apparently the cats think of it as an
enclosed running track - two or three of them disappear beneath the
tablecloth, there is a considerable bit of scrambling, scrabbling and
scratching, and all three cats shoot out at random angles, much like the
ball trap on a classic pinball machine.
I was recently given a Dutch can of Coke while on an American Airlines
flight from Charlotte, North Carolina, to Dallas, Texas. It was sweetened
with sugar instead of corn syrup, so it did taste a bit different than a
standard American Coke. But more im****tantly, it was in a 330mL can -- in
the U.S., they use a 355mL can. So I got shorted on the amount of Coke I
should have gotten.
THE SEVEN YEARS' (AKA FRENCH AND INDIAN) WAR IN BRIEF--NOT BRIEF ENOUGH TO
FIT IN THE SUMMARY, BUT PRETTY BRIEF:
Message-ID:
<9da2364b-2ec0-4ae2-b22a-2b6651555bea@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
JUST BEGGING TO BE TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT:
I don't think the smell is all that overwhelming until you cut them
Just jam it through the side of the door.
POMES OF THE WEEK:
Ahhh, springtime...
when the lure of a new toilet
beckons seductively.
WHY POEMS SHOULDN'T BE WRITTEN BY COMMITTEE:
Happy Birthday, Tim Wright.
Hope you have a great night.
I hope it's outta sight.
And that your future stays bright
In the spring.
Ba-da-bing.
IF J.J. CALE LURKS HERE, WE'RE IN TROUBLE:
She don't float, she don't float she don't float. Propane!
THE AFCA HOMELAND SECURITY DEPARTMENT WANTS *YOU!* TO BE ALERT FOR:
the Seven Nervous Gerbils of the Apocalypse
Teenage Mutant Ninja Termites
The King of Glop
the traveling King Arthur flour lady
rosy-fingered Dawn with piercings and tats
COMING SOON FROM AFCA STUDIOS:
Alvin and the Chipmummies
Rebel With Marinara Sauce
The Island of Lost Hubcaps
LOOK IN YOUR MAIL FOR THIS SPECIAL OFFER FROM AFCA SAVINGS BANK FSB:
the Titanium Polonium Neutronium Rewards Card
SPECIALIZED FURNITURE ITEMS OF THE WEEK
The Dr Pepper table and the iced tea table
WORDS AND PHRASES:
cursury
aproctous
crucificado (swiped from Cecil)
***ponential
altar ego
donor guts
Georgia caviar
drift velocity
diet nastiness
jealousy puppet
explicit specifics
duel purpose bread [Note: not a typo]
slightly nauseous ray
disturbing the piece
THAT'S ALL FOR THIS WEEK...HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND, AND TRY NOT TO OBSESS
OVER
the Cute Nerd Chick Fallacy
THE FORMERLY NEW FINE PRINT (v. 1.2)
The summary compiler does not guarantee to have read all posts to the
group. E-mail suggestions to deepstblu at sprynet dot com (preferably with
"summary" or "AFCA" in the subject line) are warmly welcomed, although
they
may not be acknowledged in a timely manner. Minor editing may (or may not)
have been performed in the interest of spelling, grammar or general
clarity. Some effort is made to subordinate the compiler's personal
standards to the perceived consensus of the group in matters of taste and
humor.
--
"I met a fan dancer down in southside Birmingham/She was running from a
fat
man selling salvation in his hand..."
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