Well, actually, from the son of the niece of a friend of my mother's...but
I
figured no one would be able to deciper SOTNOAFOMM.
----begin copied text----
Dear Mother of Life, Blessed Angel in my heart,
It's your son, ( John, Johann, J.P., Jesus Christ, whatever it is you
prefer to call me these days.).... back with four of the worst words a
parent can hear:
no it's not........my girlfriend is pregnant......it is
1. I
2. need
3. some
4. money
Individually, I realize that these words are nothing, but when combined,
they pose a serious threat to your sanity/patience or to that of any
parent
for that matter. To combat this, I have decided to change my verbal
warning
system and have developed a system based on the U.S. Government terror
threat level. I figured since you are a former government official this
should serve as a way to communicate to you in terms that are professional
and clear. When my financial situation is Green, that is good and you
guessed it Red is bad and as for the other colors that fall somewhere in
the
middle , let's not worry about them considering if you have ever seen one
of
the terror threat level signs in the air****t, no one really knows what the
colors in the middle; yellow, orange and blue mean anyways. So for our
purpose we will stick to Red and Green.
For the last few months, all has been good and the financial meter has
remained in the Green. Now, however, thanks to a horrible economy and a 4
month job search that has yielded nothing, but a positive outlook for
summer
employment as well as poor investments the said meter has been forcibly
moved to red... dark red - the highest/worst possible level.
All nonsense aside, I know you have closed on a few properties that have
left you financially secure for a good while and since I know you don't
give
15-20% of your income to the church, you probably have some extra cash in
your account. That is taking into consideration that you have not done
anything drastic and irrational....put in a pool, build a beach house, I
could go on.
Understand that the timing of this has caught me blind as I am sure it has
you, and this situation is not because of a lack of saving on my part. I
had
a nice savings amount in my account until I had to spend it on "
unexpected
expenses ". My budget was so that my money was to run out around the time
I
would be gainfully employed for the summer but I didn't factor in other
variables. I have taken into consideration that I will receive my tax in
the
near future and plan to either repay you with that or place it in my
ever-increasing savings account earning minimal bank interest.
Now, let me clarify one thing: I'm not asking for you to GIVE me money. I
am
making excellent headway with my finances and will be able to pay you back
almost immediately. I promise as soon as I receive my tax return check or
get my first pay check. I will mail a money order to you for whatever you
decide give me. (Please note if you decide to send/transfer nothing, I
will,
in turn, mail you a dead bird.)
If I fail to repay this favor, you may respond by leaving the severed head
of a horse in my bed in accordance with The Godfather.
Whatever you decide to do will be fine, but please hurry. Time is of the
essence........Code RED
God Bless You and God Bless the President Of The
Love You,
Son
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