So...who knew that circuit breakers could be such a contentious topic?
Medical differentiation of gonorrhea from syphilis didn't begin until the
1870s, and that it is thought that gonorrhea is do***entable in the
western
world at least as far back as ancient Greece.
The Chester Gould-Dick Tracy Museum in Woodstock, Illinois, is planning to
close on June 1 due to financial problems.
Benjamin Britten's "Rejoice in the Lamb" is a setting of a quirky poem by
Christopher Smart. In the poem, Smart finds evidence of God in many
different things, such as the behavior of his cat and a mouse, letters of
the alphabet, and the characters of Old-Testament people like "Nimrod,
the
Mighty Hunter". Smart was in a mental asylum at the time, and likened
himself to Christ, "for they said, 'He is beside himself!'"
MONITOR SPLATTERS:
I found you can pick up your own personal security guard to follow you
around at the Amon Carter Museum in Fort Worth by asking "Where are the
sofa sized paintings?"
This might work if you can get GMAC to believe that you are an authorized
Ponziac dealer.
Who would want Jews when they could have ice cream?
MOTTOS:
How sad that the truth is not witty.
That didn't exactly answer your question, but it did answer the question I
wanted you to ask.
There's no law that says that speculation can't turn out to be accurate!
It's a ****ing Easter miracle.
Four or five hundred words on creeping gangrene goes a long way.
I tend to agree with you on this one but I will wait to see what others
think.
We here deal in facts provable by cites, not innuendo. Well at least we do
most of the time.
There will always be a politician to mock.
There will always be an X-rated version.
Pay no attention to the man behind the torn curtain!
It's a meaningless existence. It's just life.
One day when she's older, she'll stumble over this on Google and kill me
in
my sleep.
I couldn't play a game in which the rules can be changed as you go. That
would be like real life, and surely we play games to get away from that.
Marble is just limestone that knows somebody.
No one ever gives up the Balalaika!
ANTI-MOTTOS:
Regarding the unfortunate and, I am sure unintentional, double entendre in
your comment, I will say nothing.
I thought you were just making **** up. My apologies.
SEMI-MOTTOS:
The frog is boiled, and the cooks are pleased with it.
The petri dish is nearly full and humans don't seem to have what it takes
to climb over the edge and across the lab bench to that splotch of spilled
coffee.
Understanding some Welsh prepared me for listening to gobbledegook.
It's in Hebrews (which was written in Greek).
It's not like "undergraduates" and "high" don't go together.
I'm thinking of a word and it's not "kitty".
BAND NAMES:
Grepping Assburgers
MysteryS****
ALBUM TITLES:
Fire in the Narthex
THE CONFESSIONS OF AFCA:
I'm just the average mind jogging sarcastic bastard.
There is an algorithm used to calculate Eastern Orthodox Easter. I don't
understand it.
I feel a bit of a fraud really because I got my Phd. because of what I
didn't know.
I once had somebody at the PD run a plate to see if that was really Nikki
Sixx in front of us. It was.
I didn't want to offer the full explanation which would have involved
invisible friends.
Now that I look back on it, we started our drinking career at the wino
end.
It's surprising that only a third of us ended up with drinking problems.
I always preferred Macbeth to Hamlet. Less moping about, more good old-
fa****oned Scottish killing.
I read the first ten in about a week. My co-workers organized an
intervention.
I'm kinda dim about symbolism.
I don't think I see well enough overall to be disconcerted by trivial
things like a bobble in the space-time continuum.
I did get to see Alien in a theater for the first time whilst tripping on
LSD. That turned out to not have been such a great idea.
I did kind of make up a post in my head about the kind of weirdos I always
see on the bus but I forgot what I was going to say.
Huh. I wasn't even trying to ramble, there. It's worse than I thought.
BOASTS OF THE WEEK:
I menaced someone in e-mail yesterday and they quaked, I tell you, quaked.
GOALS, CREDOS, AFFIRMATIONS AND PONY REQUESTS:
If it involves little metal balls, I'm out.
I have a pellet gun and a cat, and I'm not afraid to use them.
QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK:
He's a Democrat AND a Cubs fan. Without bitter pessimism, what has he got
left?
Speculation of absence is not absence of speculation?
Does the lamb of God count?
You want the government to be logical?
Wouldn't half a double bassoon be just a bassoon?
Do you pronounce that with the accent on the ep, il, anth, an, or esth?
Eating pizza with a fork? What are you, a communist?
What have you got against eggplant?
Would you like a "not" or two or are you sticking with that?
Did you get the agony or the ecstasy?
Alzheimer's in novel form?
Are you suggesting that much of the nastiness that happened in Europe
in the 1930s and 40s might have been avoided if they had had more ice
cream in Linz in the 1890s?
Egg you! Gelt?
ANSWERS OF THE WEEK:
>Pennsylvania Fried Chicken?
Is that the new euphemism for scrapple?
> Oh. I didn't read the question right.
So, it's a two-fer. You flunk the reading comprehension ****tion of the
SAT,
too.
ADVICE OF THE WEEK:
If you control the secret rules you can make stuff up as you go along just
to keep everyone else off-balance.
Never try to analyze the reasoning behind who a young woman might want to
have *** with.
Don't read "Bonfire of the Vanities". You will turn into an asshole.
You might want to take it apart and make sure you don't have a nest of
poisonous tropical spiders living it the warm humidity of your bathroom.
Try the Chinese im****t aisle for products containing lead.
You won't think that's so silly after they levitate you into the power
station and slap on the mu metal bracelets.
Remember that one day the Norsemen went a-viking and were the scourge of
God, and the next day they settled down to socialized medicine and skiing.
It happens.
If a kid tells her high school teacher that if Dad says they've "gone on
vacation" then he's actually killed them all, you should probably take
that
seriously.
AFCA COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT:
I really hate it when I dream about working. No matter how much it
happens, my employer refuses to pay me overtime.
I hate performance art and kids with bullhorns. BAH HUMBUG!!
Grackles are oil slicks with wings.
The newest stupidity is that everything should be "Company Name" 2.0. I
actually saw an email having a contest to nominate a co-worker that you
felt did something "2.0". I've been contemplating sending somebody's name
in with the statement "I don't know if he specifically did 2.0 but it
smelled really bad in the bathroom afterwards".
How long are you two going to keep this discourse going like this, on such
a high and intellectual level? We're waiting to see it devolve into
invective and vitriol, as it must, and I must say you're taking your own
sweet times with it.
My whole weltanshung ist all kaput now.
Dear cow-orker who left the anonymous note in the suggestion box that one
of my staff members smells bad and HER MANAGER should speak to her about
it: Buy a noseclip and get back to work.
OUR FAR-FLUNG CORRESPONDENTS RE****T:
I helped turn out some very successful students, including one who became
the Chief Geographer of the United States, the first native-born Botswanan
geologist, and three women who ended up running their own environmental
consulting firms.
I sat at the table next to Irving Stone's at Hackney's Restaurant in the
Chicago 'burbs. He just had to tell me who he was -- "You can tell your
friends you sat next to Irving Stone!" I made admiring noises, and didn't
tell him I hadn't a clue who he was. Didn't find out till later. And
this
is the first time I've told my friends.
I have a friend who went to a lovely garden wedding, wearing sandals, in
Houston (I think). She, like many of the other women there wearing
sandals, came home with chigger-infested feet, vowing never to wear
sandals
on grass in the southeastern US again.
My dad seems to enjoy being rude to telemarketers. He's too stubborn and
paranoid to let them sell him anything.
I dropped the other college class because the prof spent too much time
talking about phallic symbols in Lorca's "Fuente Ovejuna."
A former cow orker had a Rottweiler who gorged so heavily on windfall
fruit
that she almost killed herself.
In Malone every day is a new day to make an excuse not to work.
I regret not taking a picture of a sale sign on a ***-toys shop in S.F.
years ago. It said, "Moonlight Madness - all dildos on sale".
FROM THE LAND OF POT AND KETTLE:
These people just have no quality control d they?
RELIGION 2.0:
Ummm, you know, the blood-red slippers, the sacrificial witch, the baptism
that drives out sin, Ding Dong the witch is dead, the curtain is torn (or
drawn back), you get to go over the rainbow. Hello? Could it BE more
obvious?
MUSICIAN****P IN BRIEF:
Playing a brass instrument involves the player blowing raspberries into a
tube.
JUST BEGGING TO BE TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT:
cleavage faces
POMES OF THE WEEK:
We are traveling
Down to Galveston
To see the MON-keys at the zoo.
Meet the new boss,
same as the old boss,
a little bit louder
and a little bit worse.
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The garbage cannot find the garbageman.
Things coalesce; debris won't decompose;
Sick permanence is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned.
On surges and kinds of suppressor
Two posters said each was aggressor
On the subject of grounding
Their arguments confounding
Both charged that the other was lesser.
KING OF THE WEEK:
Jigme Singye Wangchuck
THE OFFICIAL TOMATO PLANT VARIETY OF AFCA:
Excitable Boy
JOB OP****TUNITY OF THE WEEK:
Foucault starter
THE AFCA HOMELAND SECURITY DEPARTMENT WANTS *YOU!* TO BE ALERT FOR:
hardcore neckbeard propellerhead dorks
the Total Perspective Vortex
COMING SOON FROM AFCA NETWORK:
Kukla Kahn 'n' Ollie
THE AFCA RADIO NETWORK WELCOMES ITS NEW AFFILIATE IN
Ypilanthanesthe
WORDS AND PHRASES:
ooil
bejel
my-opia
otolith
talikes
hominin
bromance
babirusas
consociate
adumbrated
embouchure
agapanthus
heliopause
eceltronics
cateywompus
poisonosity
squirrel-fling
booth eel
friend turnips
tem****al topology
gray-market library cards
WORDS AND PHRASES, DOUBLE-REED INSTRUMENT DEPARTMENT:
baroque bassoon
bombarde
canameesious
cornamuse
hichiriki
hojok
oboe d'amore
piccolo heckelphone
rackett
rauschpfeife
tarogato
tenoroon
treble shawm, alto shawm, tenor shawm
AFCA HONORARY UMSCRIBES:
Richard Widmark
Abby Mann
NOW SIT BACK, RELAX, HAVE A SIMPLY SPLENDID WEEKEND, AND TRY NOT TO GET
blocked by the clones
THE FORMERLY NEW FINE PRINT (v. 1.2)
The summary compiler does not guarantee to have read all posts to the
group. E-mail suggestions to deepstblu at sprynet dot com (preferably with
"summary" or "AFCA" in the subject line) are warmly welcomed, although
they
may not be acknowledged in a timely manner. Minor editing may (or may not)
have been performed in the interest of spelling, grammar or general
clarity. Some effort is made to subordinate the compiler's personal
standards to the perceived consensus of the group in matters of taste and
humor.
--
"And the house you live in will never fall down, if you pity the stranger
who stands at your gate..."
|
