<
Please note that I'm ALIVE AND WELL and not dead yet.
<
All those News Bulletins yesterday about my sudden passing were
completely exaggerated.
<
When I see Nurse Ratched, I'm going to choke her, just like Jack
Nicholson did in "One Flew Over..."
<
===============================
===============================
<
THIS IS WHAT SHE WROTE...
<
This is Nurse Ratched and, believe me, I've had one HORRIBLE night.
<
Ed Conrad died at 4:20 this morning and, quite
frankly, was a raving lunatic before he finally packed it in.
<
I've already phoned the Obit Desk at the New
york Times, Philadelphia Inquirer and Hazleton
Standard-Speaker but, personally, I don't think
they give two ****s. I doubt they'll even mention him in one line of
agate.
<
Anyway, out of courtesy to the rotten, sarcastic SOB who has long made
a mockery of our most revered institutions, I'm about to push the
button to send his very last nasty message.
<
ED CONRAD'S LAST WILL & TESTAMENT
<
Ed's dead, you said!
I hope it's true.
It's time for celebration
He's squeezed our balls
'Til black and blue
And I've run out of medication.
<
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d4/Scrotum_by_David_S...
<
Man-like Whale May Be Our Missing Link
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/SaveTheWhale.jpg
<
=========================
=========================
<
Actually, I was laying there on a slab in the embalming room -- ****
as a new-born babe --when an attendant noticed my lips quivering from
the freakin' Ice House they had me in.
<
Only then did he realize I was STILL ALIVE.
<
May I state emphatically that I'm very happy to be back and I will
continue to fire cannon balls at evolutionists, corrupt scientists
and
scientific institutions.
<
They include brain-dead opponents to my discovery of petrified remains
-- SOME HUMAN -- between coal veins; and the deceit, deception,
collusion and conspiracy that surrounds us, including the real
terrorists responsible for 911,
<
Meanwhile, during my brief stay on The Other Side, I have to tell you
that I received quite an education.
<
For one thing, I've learned that God doesn't give a damn about our
"sins." Actually, He had forgiven us for everything we do, even
before
we were born.
<
But, make no mistake, we WILL be judged in the hereafter -- but NOT by
Him. Instead, we'll be judged by our fellow man, the people we dealt
with while in our physical existence.
<
I also learned that NOBODY burns in Hell. The real hell is being
ostracized by those you knew so well on earth -- especially members of
your own family -- who then will know the screwing that you gave
them.
<
Consequently, they won't allow you to get anywhere near them on The
Other Side and, often, the pain will be even worse than hell,
especially when you're an outcast to members of your own family,
<
I've also learned that Heaven IS NOT a place of incredible splendor
and with The Boss always around. Hell, if He was, we'd be looking over
your shoulder all the time and always be as nervous as a cat
<
Heaven actually is being in the company of
the loving people -- your family, your dear friends, even the
neighbors down the street -- who made you most content, happy and
comfortable in life.
<
Heaven will be A LOT BETTER than you ever expected.
<
==========================
<
> PROOF OF LIFE AFTER DEATH
> Life Doesn't End When We "Die"
<
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/Miracle.jpg
http://web.archive.org/web/20061013040003/http://www.edconrad.com/lif...
<
http://www.edconrad.com
<
Ed Conrad
<
==================
<
> MAN AS OLD AS COAL
> A Revolution in Evolution
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/OldestHumanSkull.JPG
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/edkrog.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/z11calv.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/skullb.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/FirstDiscovery.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/HumanBrain.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/OldestTool.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/TestResults.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/PetrifiedPP.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/MoreFossils.jpg
http://www.edconrad.com/pics/Scorpion.jpg
<
===================
<
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