The Fields Medal (the equivalent of the Nobel Prize for Mathematics) is
only awarded to mathematicians not over the age of 40.
The Przewalski's horse has 66 chromosomes and domesticated horses 64, but
the two can produce fertile offspring with 65 chromosomes.
The Canadian postal workers' union contract makes mail delivery "optional"
at a wind chill level of -50C.
Killing the President of the United States is a violation of Title 18,
Section 1751 of the U.S. Code.
In Germany you can buy a cheeseburger in a can.
There are about 35 Baptist churches in Nacogdoches, Texas (pop. 29,000).
In Roman Catholic practice the time between the feast of Epiphany and Ash
Wednesday is part of "ordinary time", as is the time between Pentecost and
Advent. ("Ordinary" refers to ordinal numbers, because the Sundays are
numbered.) The Anglicans, on the other hand, speak of Epiphany being a
season, commencing with the feast of Epiphany in the same way that the
Christmas season begins with Christmas day.
MONITOR SPLATTERS:
Do you work for a French bank by any chance?
Hey, keep doin' it! Maybe he'll make a pearl!
Cry haddock and let slip the cods of war!
I made sure that I checked the correct box on my tax return for
"Fund Al-Qaeda? Yes__ No__."
So far as we could tell, the prison cell was built exactly like our dorm
rooms, except that our doors opened from the inside. But the prisoner had
a TV, whereas we had to bring our own.
The clerk was required to ask them if they were getting married under
duress. My grandfather stepped up behind my father and said in a clear
voice "Tell him 'no'."
MOTTOS:
When life gives you sheep lungs, make haggis.
I would refute that claim, but embarrassment prevents me.
"It's not all vampires & BDSM, just mostly"
Cooking is mostly about paying attention and theft.
No man is a legislature, a quorum of itself...
I'd continue to research this question, but I'd end up having to gouge out
my eyes.
ANTI-MOTTOS:
A newsgroup shouldn't make you question your abilities and gifts.
I wish I had some grounds to do something other than nitpick at this, but
unfortunately I agree with you.
SEMI-MOTTOS:
"Mathematicians are very inexpensive researchers. All they need is a
pencil, some paper, and a wastebasket. Philosophers are even cheaper,
they
don't need the wastebasket."
My question isn't that well-formed in my mind, but I thought, what the
hell, there have been stupider questions posed here. I think.
On the other hand, that's only my opinion, and since by your logic I'm
insane you
don't have to give it any weight.
It is not even close to the height of lunacy. It is a comfortable,
sustainable level of lunacy that you could jog along in for years.
Morbid curiosity, as much as a desire for free pizza, had me clicking the
final button.
BAND NAMES:
Canned Haggis
THE CONFESSIONS OF AFCA:
When I got married, I had nearly no idea what the plan was, but I still
knew we were going to have the Chicken Dance at the reception.
I have very good reasons for never wearing white.
I need to change the subject to shampoo periodically because otherwise
I'll
be unable to live.
My first grade teacher called my mother, concerned, because I had ignored
a
fire drill. I hadn't ignored it. I was simply very into reading about Bob
and Janet and hadn't noticed the loud ringing or all my classmates filing
out.
I had candles in the house, but lighting them from the gas stove doesn't
work when you have an electric ignition stove. I guess I shouldn't have
made such a big point of "no smoking" when choosing roommates.
I have misplaced my sample of lava from Mt. Vesuvius with a coin embedded
in it.
I'm under strict orders not to come home from the recycling center with
more stuff than I left with.
Apparently my knowledge of ancient beer goddesses is lacking, though.
I start posting on a topic and realize I'm basing my answer on something I
read in a popular magazine 15 years ago and am therefore talking out of my
ass.
I'm a half-ass multi-tasker.
When I edit for money, I'm much better than this.
I don't mind the sausage-making, just please don't clean the casings in
front of me.
I sometimes think the reason Eddie and I really didn't make it was because
he would only drink Pepsi and I prefer Coke. Well, that and he eventually
went completely insane, of course.
I still like my notion that the full moon is twice as powerful than the
half moon because there's twice as much of it.
There is nothing to bind a man and his wife together like their child's
poopy diaper.
GOALS, CREDOS, AFFIRMATIONS AND PONY REQUESTS:
Remind me not to take any more math cl*****, particularly ones that are
macho pissing contests.
I just wish people knew the difference between the vulva and the vagina.
I should be exuding menace and terror, but most people just don't pick up.
QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK:
Is that enough cites, or do you need me to go all wikipedia on you?
Was my followup supposed to have something to do with the quoted post?
Did you look in the com****tment compartment?
So it's weird but not odd?
How do you spell Schadnefrude?
[Summarizer's note--OpenOffice's spellchecker's suggestion:
"Nebuchadnezzar".]
What if I really am better than you?
Who's wearing the toe shoes--you or the goat? Please specify.
ANSWERS OF THE WEEK:
>Imagine if you had 2x the amount HGH, for instance.
I don't have to imagine. That's what professional wrestling is for.
ADVICE OF THE WEEK:
Pinch your frenulum. No wait that's not the right word.
Did I mention that if you elope people get REALLY ticked off at you?
Well,
they do.
Confession may be good for the soul, but it makes for a lousy criminal
record.
You should consider the possibility that your "explanation" didn't explain
a damn thing.
My advice is to give Rocinante a rubdown and head back to your country
estate.
IF YOU HAVE AN ERECTION THAT LASTS LONGER THAN FOUR HOURS...
....you can charge people a nickel to look at it.
....then you should beware of any impulse to gamble (Restless Third Leg
Syndrome)
....call EVERYBODY!
AFCA COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT:
Sweet Jesus, what a whiny ***** that Lestat is. I don't get it.
The universe owes us two dead Republicans.
The polls are garbage at this point and Jeanne Dixon could do as well in
predicting, even from beyond the grave.
Apparently you have to believe that the cat cartoon contains the word
"blah" in order to find out that the cat cartoon does not contain the word
"blah". It's very post-structuralist or something.
I consider that including things like York****re terriers in the class
"dog", while it may be technically correct, is offensive to dogs in
general.
One that I got wrong I would like to protest, the one that said a
cockroach
can live for a month after having its head removed. I understand that the
average is about 9 days, with a few exceptional cases of a beheaded
cockroach living a few weeks.
AFCA DEBATE TEAM TOPICS:
If you haven't hurt someone's feelings sometime in AFCA, then you're
really
not giving it enough effort.
If Strom Thurmond's existence didn't prove the existence of replicants,
nothing does.
A child that wakes one up every day no later than 6 am cannot be
considered
"beloved".
DEPARTMENT OF FAINT PRAISE:
I mean, El Paso's not much, but there's good barbecue and good Mexican
food
and you don't get shot on the street.
DEPARTMENT OF GENEROUS OFFERS:
What if I call you a dick? Really, it's no trouble.
SAY WHA'?
I did have one afternoon of morning sickness early on.
OUR FAR-FLUNG CORRESPONDENTS RE****T:
We too learned, after years of careful study, that advertisements with
****d people in them were more arousing to viewers than advertisements
without ****d people in them. If there was only a Nobel Prize for
consumer
research, alas.
Back when people still reheeled their shoes instead of throwing them away,
there used to be a common poster for Cat's Paw heels showing a beautiful
woman saying "I'm in love with America's #1 Heel." It is said that more
than one such poster had scrawled underneath: "Sorry sister, I married
him".
I once rode on elevator with Strom Thurmond. His orange hair came out of
his head like the bristles on a toothbrush.
In the early 1970s, my new-lefty friends and I in Calgary would buy
tickets
to the Communist Party of Canada's annual Robbie Burns banquet. As it
happened, the party's mainstay in those days were Ukrainian-Canadians,
descendants of pre-Stalin immigrants, and the Ukrainian ladies did the
cooking in the Ukrainian Hall kitchen. So, while everyone got a serving of
the haggis, duly piped in and toasted, the soup was borscht, and the main
course was cabbage rolls.
We have raging debates: the Germans in the church like a thick head of
foam
on their beer, and are appalled at the English (i.e. American) members who
carefully pour the beer down the side of the glass to minimize foam. Only
a
strong commitment to Christian unity allows us to hang together despite
our
differences. That and each faction pouring their own beer.
JUST BEGGING TO BE TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT:
....he asks WHAT DO GOOD GIRLS DO? and she runs over and jumps into her
bed.
HAIKU OF THE WEEK/AN OCCASIONAL FEATURE/OF THE SUMMARY:
Being single sucks.
Who to snuggle in winter?
It's okay for some.
WORDS AND PHRASES:
brist (and its many offspring, up to and including
"antidisembristleationism")
manky
hemiola
frosbite
postlings
Tlaquepaque
teacherhead
prothonotary
subjectivitis
furunclebusters
double-gazed
pizza-patible
man-whore hands
dead herring
latke maven
8 food ceiling
mental tennis
emergency pickle
professional coyote
free snootiness pass
guineas to gooseberries
common redneck libertarian
weapons-grade garlic emanations
buck-and-a-quarter quarter-wolf
a sudden confluence of Nixon
THIS WEEK'S SUMMARY WAS MADE POSSIBLE BY A GENEROUS GRANT FROM
American Zeta Zoning, Ltd.
NOW RELAX, ENJOY THE WEEKEND, AND TRY NOT TO SPEND TOO MUCH TIME
squabbling over the haggis
THE FORMERLY NEW FINE PRINT (v. 1.2)
The summary compiler does not guarantee to have read all posts to the
group. E-mail suggestions to deepstblu at sprynet dot com (preferably with
"summary" or "AFCA" in the subject line) are warmly welcomed, although
they
may not be acknowledged in a timely manner. Minor editing may (or may not)
have been performed in the interest of spelling, grammar or general
clarity. Some effort is made to subordinate the compiler's personal
standards to the perceived consensus of the group in matters of taste and
humor.
--
"Do you ever have deja vu, Mrs. Lancaster?"
"I don't think so, but I could check with the kitchen..."
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