Hi there, Dr Raven visiting once again from the year 2033 through the
magic of future technology. Speaking of which, I would like to start a
list of technologies that should have improved over the years but
haven't. Here we go...
1) "Hang-Up and Dial Again" Long Distance calling - You dial a phone
number, but you're not sure if its long distance or not. You wait a
moment then a cranky recorded voice informs you that the number you
are trying to dial is a long distance number, and you should hang up
and dial again. But if the phone company's system can detect that the
number I am calling is a long distance then they shouldn't make me
hang up and dial it again with the area code or a 1 in front of it.
That's a waste of time. Advise me that it is a long distance call (so
I know I am going to pay more for the call), add the 1 and/or the
required area code automatically, and then PUT THE CALL THROUGH. Oh
wait, I remember now... That big change meant higher phone charges
because the telephone companies had to upgrade their computers from
286s to 386s to handle this incredibly complex technological feat. But
don't feel bad. In the year 2025 the phone companies upgraded to 486s
so we could finally use the video function of those fancy new Apple
video EyePhones we all bought back in 2020. YouTube was almost brought
to it's knees that year due to a flood of videos of ****d relatives
screaming into the tiny camera of their EyePhones as they ran around
the room trying to find some clothes to put on. Sometimes it takes
people a little longer to evolve than the technology.
2) Toasters with temperature sensors - You put 2 pieces of bread in
the toaster, dial in your favourite setting for how dark you want your
toast, then push the level down to start the process. A minute or so
later the 2 pieces of bread pop up perfectly browned. But then you
decide that you'd like one more piece of toast. You put another piece
of bread in the toaster, push the lever down, and a scant few seconds
later the bread pops back up untoasted. You push the lever down and a
few more seconds later the bread pops up again still untoasted. This
continues until you hurl the toaster and the bread out the back window
where it lands in a smoking heap right next to the phone that can't
dial a long distance number for you. Why does this happen? Cheaper
toasters use a piece of metal that heats up and bends when it reaches
a specific temperature which then releases the mechanism. If the metal
is still hot and bent a bit when the next slice of bread goes in the
it will bend to the release position much quicker and the bread won't
be toasted properly. Now, thanks to my interferring with time, there
are toasters that actually use a real timer so the bread is toasted
for the same amount of time every time! I have to give props to Mackie
though. It was his idea to add a timer. But why do people still buy
the cheapy temperature-based toasters? Perhaps they like to hurl small
****ny metal boxes through their back windows as therapy?
3) Cell phones - they're convenient, they have lots of features and...
they usually sound like crap. Either the audio quality is poor or you
get the dreaded echo, or the call cuts out completely. What good is a
cell phone with lots of fancy extra features if it primary function
doesn't function very well? I remember the days when we put
convenience before functionality. Thank Genom we saw the light in 2020
and changed things. Now we have wireless phones that sound like you're
standing right next to the person when you have a conversation. Of
course people don't see each other face-to-face much as a result but
that's okay. When you stay home all the time and talk on the wireless
phone your personal hygiene usually goes downhill. But let's not go
there, shall we?
4) Voice Activated Self-Cleaning Litter Box for Cats - Sorry, nix
this, I just remembered cats haven't started to speak our language in
your time. And by the summer of 2013 you'll wish they hadn't learned
either. Talk shows still haven't quite recovered.
Those are a few things that I can think of at the moment. I invite you
all to post your own rants about stuff that should work better than it
does.
Pops (Back... to the future!)
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