PING nelohT: Re: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2008

Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler <wrangler@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:

><music>
>"20th Century Fox Fanfare"
>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z54ynmUPZ5c
></music>
>
>The time has come to announce the winners of the April 2008 Usenet
>Kook Awards.  Envelopes, please!
>
>*drumroll*
>
>BOBO AWARD
>
> The winners are...BRANDON AND AMBER HERBERT...
> 
>Brandon and Amber Herbert
>
> 17 votes  YES
> 02 votes  NO
>
>Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Herbert.  It was only a matter of time
before 
>kookery from Craigslist earned an award here on AUK, and you two pulled
it 
>off, even if you didn't succeed in covering up the original crime.  BTW,
be 
>prepared to say hi to "A Living Christ" while you are serving your time. 

>He might come visiting!
>
> AND...RAUNI!
>
> Jeanette "Rauni" Runyon
>
> 19 votes  YES
> 01 votes  NO
>
>Congratulations, Rauni.  Your propensity for kookery has long been 
>suspected, but it's astoni****ng that you confirmed it in such a big way.
>
>KOOK OF THE MONTH
>
> The winner is...LADY VETERAN!
>
> 16 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
> 08 votes Greg "Greegor" Hanson
> 00 votes Neither of the above
>
>Congratulations, Lady Veteran!  In a battle of the former also-rans for 
>this award, you pulled off a big win against a fellow who displays his 
>kookery on AUK nearly every day, while you only rarely posted yours to
AUK.
>
>Stay right here.  The next two awards are yours, as well.
>
>CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
>
> The winner is...LADY VETERAN!
>
> 16 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
> 07 votes Anthony X
> 00 votes Neither of the above
>
>Congratulations a second time, LV!  Your cluelessness about appropriate 
>behavior on USENET defeated someone who went on a crusade to get a
poster's 
>Google Groups account nuked when the poster doesn't even post out of
Google 
>Groups.  It's difficult to top that, but you did!
>
>COWARD OF THE MONTH
>
> The winner is...LADY VETERAN!
>
> 15 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
> 09 votes David Tholen
> 01 votes Neither of the above
>
>Congratulations a final time, LV!  Your propensity for real-lifing your 
>opponents has earned you a sweep of the top three monthly core awards, 
>which may be unprecidented and means that you have gone from a non-winner

>to hitting the big time in one month.  Also, it means that you will be on

>the Kooks of the Year ballot next January four times.  Do you have a 
>website?  You could be on it a fifth time, too.

Ah well, you were beaten by a heavyweight kook who took the top three
awards this month.  Chin up, old-man!  I'm sure you'll be post-editing
more typos and then lying about them in the future, as well as deleting
yourself from attributions.  Oh by the way -- got the cajones to post
the second line of that quote of which you are so fond?
>
>JOSEPH BARTLO MEMORIAL PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE AWARD
>
> The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!
>
> 12 votes David Tholen
> 08 votes Anthony X
> 02 votes Neither of the above
>
>Congratulations, Dr. Tholen!  For as award-winning a net-personality as
you 
>are (by the time this ceremony is finished, you'll have 18 awards from
AUK, 
>as well as several from AFA-B; furthermore, last month marked the 10th 
>anniversary of your winning Kook of the Month), it is surprising that you

>have never won the entry-level PAP award.  Since I am a firm believer
that 
>all kooks should have at least one op****tunity to win all the awards for 
>which they are eligible, I am pleased that you earned this honor. 
However, 
>you are now so overqualified for this award that I declare you ineligible

>to run for it any more.  Enjoy the company of Chuckles and St00pid!

Yes, typing "classic erroneous presupposition" over and over is
pathetic, nelohT.  Along with just about everything else do on usenet.
>
>TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
>
> The winner is...DOUGLAS GRANT!
>
> 12 votes Douglas Grant
> 08 votes Daniel Joseph Min
> 05 votes David Tholen
> 00 votes None of the above
>
>Congratulations, Doogie!  Your long history of melting down, extending
back 
>to your wails of protestation over the results of the 
>rec.gambling.blackjack.moderated election a decade ago, has finally been 
>recognized.

Squashed.  Better luck next time.
>
>VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
>
> The winner is...
>
> "Morgellons Is A Man-Made Silicon Based Life Form" by Alexa Cameron
>
> 23 votes YES
> 00 votes NO
>
>Congratulations, Alexa!  After a two-year hiatus, you have won your fifth

>VVFWS Award with a weird science idea of striking originality.  If only 
>your fertile imagination could synthesize ideas that would actually
survive 
>controlled experiments and peer review, the world really would be a
better 
>place!

Hi, Alexa!
>
>DOUGLAS GRANT MEDAL FOR HISTORICAL REVISIONISM
>
> The winner is...
>
> "Revisionist claims about Galileo" by John Wentzky
>
> 21 votes YES
> 01 votes NO
>
>Congratulations, John-boy!  You started off making a weird science claim,

>but it was really just a demonstration of cluelessness about history
above 
>and beyond the usual ignorance by a net-kook.  No matter.  Kooky ideas 
>deserve proper recognition.
>
>GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
>
> The winner is...ONIDEUS MAD HATTER!
>
> 13 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter
> 08 votes Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran
> 04 votes John Wentzky
> 00 votes None of the above
>
>Congratulations, Malkavian!  You earned this for multiple campaigns this 
>month, but the most memorable was that on behalf of your employers.  It 
>might actually have been effective, had you not done it in front of
people 
>who know you well enough that, had you told them the sun would rise 
>tomorrow, they would consult an almanac to make sure.  In the meantime, 
>enjoy this video.
>
><video>
>"WAL-MART: The High Cost of Low Price -- teaser trailer"
>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiSmlmXp-aU
></video>
>
>BUSTED URINAL AWARD
>
> The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!
>
> 12 votes David Tholen
> 11 votes Daniel Joseph Min
> 00 votes Neither of the above
>
>Congratulations!  Your repetitiously robotic responses helped you eke out
a 
>slim victory for you as "the lamest of the lame on USENET" over someone
who 
>virtual stench is more like that of a rotting corpse than a busted
urinal.  
>It has also earned you a new nickname--Doctor Robotnik.  Enjoy your new 
>handle and watch out for fast-moving hedgehogs!

Yeah, you are lame, nelohT.  The unabashed and unashamed champion of
the IKYABWAI, and the "still beating your wife?" loaded question.  You
beat out Usenet's most notorious pseudoscience kook who has found his
way into the highest number of killlfiles on record -- think about it.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention the infamous nelohT typo pounce.
>
>UNABOMBER SURPRISE
>
> The winner is...DANIEL JOSEPH MIN!
>
> 10 votes Daniel Joseph Min
> 09 votes John Wentzky
> 04 votes Johnny Wizard
> 02 votes None of the above
>
>Congratulations, Minnie Mouse!  You beat out a tough field full of 
>notorious screeders by a nose, demonstrating that persistence and 
>weirdness, as well as "anonymously" spamming multiple groups, pay off.  
>Don't leave, as the next one is yours, too.
>
>72 RAISINS "CRACKPOT RELIGION" AWARD
>
> The winner is...DANIEL JOSEPH MIN!
>
> Daniel Joseph Min
>
> 21 votes YES
> 00 votes NO
>
>Congratulations, again, Minnie Mouse!  While your theological views about

>atheists and the end times aren't particularly unique, they are both 
>notorious and extreme.  They've also been embellished by your attempts to

>combine your interpretation of Revelations with tarot, astrology, and the

>predictions of Nostradamus, resulting in some truly ridiculous
predictions 
>that have missed the mark by miles.  Next stop, the Looney Maroon!
>
>BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
>
> The winner is...DAVID THOLEN!
>
> David Tholen
>
> 18 votes YES
> 02 votes NO
>
>Congratulations a third and final time this month, Doctor Robotnik!  As 
>much as it personally pains me to give this award to as august a
scientist 
>as you, your online behavior really does fit the pattern of someone who
has 
>"lost more marbles than a Chinese Checker factory."

Well-deserved, and long overdue.  nelohT believes that replying with
the question "what does that have to do with OS/2?" automatically makes
his off-topic digests on-topic.  He's also managed to convince himself
that I believe I'm God.  And for quite a while after he won the
prestigious GK, he was enamored with the line "so much for your golden
killfile, Deco."
>
>BALSA GAVEL
>
> The winner is...DOUGLAS GRANT!
>
> Douglas Grant
>
> 22 votes YES
> 00 votes NO
>
>Congratulations, Doogie!  Your long history of hauling your online 
>adversaries into court has finally been recognized, making you the first 
>winner of this rarely presented award since Tim Bolen won it for
September 
>2006, the first month I counted the ballot and announced the winners. 
Now, 
>don't bang the award on the table--it might shatter on you!
>
>BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
>
> The winner is...
>
> 10 votes Robert "Mop Jockey" Wolfe, trained by Cujo de Sockpuppet
> 09 votes Matthew "Diaperboi" Moulton AKA Onideus Mad Hatter,
>          trained by Meat Plow
> 01 votes Neither of the above
>
>Congratulations, Unixd0rk!  This is twice now that you've played games
with 
>domain names to honor your trainers.  Do you have any more stupid net 
>tricks for us (tinu)?  Also, congratulations to Cujo, for gaining a new
pet 
>to replace his deceased one and training them both so well that they
served 
>as the first two AUK Mascots.

mop jockey *hates* being ignored.
>
>PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>
> The winner is...MEAT->PLOW!
>
> "Luring the Net-Dead Lurkers" by Meat->Plow
>
> 18 votes YES
> 03 votes NO
>
>Congratulations, Meat->Plow!  This award recognizes not only this 
>particular instance of worthy trolling, but all of the trolling in which 
>you have engaged since the award you shared with Buzzard four years ago.
>
>All Hail Meat->Plow, for he hace much grateness!!!1!!
>
>KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
>
> The winner is...
>
> 17 votes Pamela Russell
> 04 votes Donald Alford AKA Wizard of Odds
>
>Congratulations again, Fangirlfriend!  Your talent for spewing 
>misinformation on behalf of your clay-footed, one-gloved idol led you to
an 
>easy defeat of a first-time opponent.  Keep up the good work!
>
>MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
>
> The winner is...NAZICOWARDS OF SOC.CULTURE.ISRAEL!
>
> 12 votes Nazicowards of soc.culture.israel
> 08 votes Bert "Bertrude" Hoff and Scott "Schattie" Abraham
>
>Congratulations, anti-semitic wankers!  You have twice defeated very
stong 
>opposition, first by dethroning the B8MBies and then fending off a 
>challenge by one of the longest-running circle jerks on USENET.  I never 
>know a shared hatred could be such an aphrodesiac!
>
>OFFICE OF ILLUCIDUS MAXIMUS
>
> The winner is...
>
> 15 votes Jeff Relf 
> 09 votes Colonel Jake
>
>Congratulations, Relf the Illucid!  May your tenure in office be as long
as 
>you are incomprehensible.

Hi, Jeff<glyph>Relf!  Have you smoked your hand-rolled newsreader yet?
>
>This concludes the announcement of the winners of the April 2008
>Usenet Kook Awards.  Thirty-three people submitted thirty-three 
>ballots, all of which were ruled to be valid, although two of them
required 
>acts of unusual mercy on the part of the FNVW, which were granted because

>the violations were minor and the result of minor stupidity, not 
>intentional cheating.  Consequently, for the fifth consecutive election, 
>all were counted.  First, a kook sweeps the top three awards, then this. 

>
>See you all very shortly, as the call for nominations for the AUK Mascot 
>goes out in a few days.  Also, I might get around to the AFA-B elections,

>as I have been promising for two months.  Any bets that I'll get it done 
>before Memorial Day?  Until then, hail Fluffy and may Bob have mercy on 
>your souls!
>
>And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big individual
>w(h)inner--Lady Veteran!
>
><music>
>"Pinky and The Brain, 'Brainstem'"
>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snO68aJTOpM
></music>

Well done, FNVW!

-- 
"Substantiation that you regard yourself as a God to be worhsipped [sic]
should be your concern, Deco."
  -- David Tholen